The ROMANS ROAD

The ROMANS ROAD....is a pathway you can walk.

It is a group of Bible verses from the book of Romans in the New Testament. If you walk down this road you will end up understanding how to be saved.

Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

We all have sin in our hearts. We all were born with sin.

We were born under the power of sin's control.

- Admit that you are a sinner.



Romans 6:23a "...The wages of sin is death..."

Sin has an ending. It results in death. We all face physical death, which is a result of sin. But a worse death is spiritual death that alienates us from God, and will last for all eternity. The Bible teaches that there is a place called the Lake of Fire where lost people will be in torment forever. It is the place where people who are spiritually dead will remain.

- Understand that you deserve death for your sin.



Romans 6:23b "...But the gift of God is eternal

life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

Salvation is a free gift from God to you! You can't

earn this gift, but you must reach out and receive it.

- Ask God to forgive you and save you.



Romans 5:8, "God demonstrates His own love for us, in

that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us!"

When Jesus died on the cross He paid sin's penalty. He paid the price for all sin, and when He took all the sins of the world on Himself on the cross, He bought us out of slavery to sin and death! The only condition is that we believe in Him and what He has done for us, understanding that we are now joined with Him, and that He is our life. He did all this because He loved us and gave Himself for us!

- Give your life to God... His love poured out in Jesus on the cross is your only hope to have forgiveness and change. His love bought you out of being a slave to sin. His love is what saves you -- not religion, or church membership. God loves you!

Romans 10:9,10 "...If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, you shall be saved; for with the heart man believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation."


Romans 10:13 "Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved!"

- Call out to God in the name of Jesus!

Once you cry to God to be saved, God has commanded that we be baptized in obedience to his command (Acts 2:38) the Roman Road discusses Baptism like this:

Romans 6:1-5
1 What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2 By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? 3 Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. 5 If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection.

My friend the Roman Road is only a tiny portion of what God's word says- but it does demonstrate the need to turn to Christ for your salvation and how to express this need to others. I pray you are restored to Christ today!

"Being In but not Of" Effective Alternative Ministry

"Being In but not Of" Effective Alternative Ministry
Peter Whole - Source – Minneapolis MN


My experience and observation of the “Counter Culture” is seeing it evolve from a definable segment of society in the 60’s and 70’s, to establishing sub-cultures with the “Counter Culture” in the 80’s and early 90’s, to now in this last decade having so many different sub-cultures that consider themselves alternative.
Once you could define the alternative types by the appearance, music style and lifestyle. Tattoos, colored hair, piercing, and funky hair have crossed into the mainstream. After all, Nirvana was the alternative band that went platinum.
But still there remains in the population of the West a definite element that either desires or has just found that they are part of those who are not part of the main stream. These alternative types, though they would see themselves as very different, after all what does the gutter punk, rainbow kid, hardcore, raver, hippie kid, have in common.
*Similarities of Counter Culture/Alternative Types
o Hate corporate
o Value organic vs. conventional
o Don’t want to be treated as a number
o Value relationship vs. task
o Value authenticity vs. artificial
o Holistic vs. Compartmentalized
o Want something fresh, vs. stagnant
o Want to make a difference

Their culture, childhood, peers, and experience have also given them a similar view of the Church of Jesus Christ and Jesus himself (corporate, conventional, treat people like numbers, task-driven, artificial, compartmentalized, stagnant, and not doing anything to make a real difference.) It would not be hard to go to a common coffee shop in any of our cities and find a 19 year old who would respond to, “what does it mean to be a Christian,” with “going to church on Sunday” or “the ten commandments.” A God of love and forgiveness, redemption, atonement, A God that has a plan for each life, or a truly personal relationship with the God of the universe would be void of their vocabulary and of their worldview.

“Being in but not of” (John 17)
A true key to effective alternative ministry, given to us (John ch. 17) by Jesus when he prayed in Gethsemane in his last moments before taken to be crucified is for us to be “In but not of the world”. Mark 16:15 Jesus instructed, “Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.” Not just go into the global world, but to also go into all the world’s sub-cultures as well. In Mathew 5:14 we understand the need for us to be light in darkness. The alternative culture is the keepers of the dark places in our society. For many of those we reach out to it is the norm that we are the only representatives of Jesus that they know and trust. And we are the only ones praying for these individuals to overcome their pasts and began a new life with Jesus.
Being effective at being a light in darkness involves being 1) in the world (being culturally relevant and relational) and 2) Not being of the world.

Being In
Most models of outreach and evangelism with in the church rarely reflect being relational or culturally relevant. “Going to” the world (by coming into proximity during an outreach night and throwing some tracts and words) should not be mistaken with being in the world. I know gutter punks with tract collections. Half the young people we reach out to have been raised in the church and they have seen hypocrisies first hand.
Going through the external motions because you are “supposed to” to appease some ancient ritual vs. having a relevant and valid reason. Why believe what a stranger says to a crowd from a stage or on the street corner? His motives, “to serve the corporation he works for, ahead of my best interest,” are ultimately questioned.
They don’t need someone to just tell them about Jesus, they need someone to be Jesus to them. They will not follow what logically make sense. Their lives are full of hurt, pain, and abandonment (if not directly they have seen it in their peers – which most the time is closer than family).
They will follow what they see and experience to be real. When they see and experience real love through a relationship of someone they have grown to trust, and then they are willing to be open about Jesus.
The Joshua House, Source’s transitional /discipleship housing has seen young men make radical, lasting, life changes. One young man had as many as 20 friends come up to him after he had been there a few months and ask, “What happened to you? You used to be angry, depressed; using drugs, and out of control with your life. Now we see a real change.” He had the opportunity to tell them it was Jesus growing him. When those friends saw and experienced something real, they inquired about what it was and were open to investigate if it could be something for them personally.
Most people believe Christians do not relate to them. For many it is a paradigm shift to meet a Christian they can relate to who is more concerned about being real vs. putting on a façade of perfection.
When people are treated as individuals vs. a number they are more willing to let others speak into their lives. When relationships are valued more than the number attending, you begin to communicate community vs. corporation. Many times it is the difference of quality vs. quantity.
The good Shepherd leaves the 99 and searches for the one that is lost, taking time and energy for the individual. A two-hour conversation would be consistent with “organic” or relational evangelism in comparison to a five-minute presentation. And most likely the first 90 minutes was spent listening to the individual.
Organic/relational evangelism also does not subscribe to the, “one size fits all,” method. It embraces seed planting, looking for ways to serve and pray for, and getting to know the individual over time to be able to personalize how God can affect an individual’s life.
It is ironic that the evangelical speaks of a personal relationship with God but often displays only impersonal expressions. Relationships were core to the ministry of Jesus. He changed the world by spending three years with twelve. Not by having the biggest show in town, but by genuinely displaying love and being relational with individuals do we earn the right to speak into others lives.
Another attribute of alternative types is they will readily identify if something is only surface deep. Being authentic is a core value of this generation and the fact that it is so hard to find, makes it even more attractive.
Their hearts hunger for intimacy and know that authenticity is an ingredient. Valuing relationships, allowing each other to remove masks without being rejected and growing from weakness are all attributes of authenticity. And when anybody comes in contact with it, it forces him or her to figure out what the source is.
Being culturally relevant is the other aspect of “Being in” goes hand in hand with being relational.
By
- 1) knowing culture,
- 2) Being in culture, and
- 3) being culture allows you the opportunity and right to begin to make contact to speak into individuals’ lives (or being relational).
The reverse is true as well in that how can you be relational with people if you don’t know and are not in their culture.
I can know culture and be in culture by being willing to be vulnerable, to go to where they are at, to hang with them, to ask questions about their world, and to demonstrate that I can relate to them (this really isn’t that hard to do you just got to be willing to go). Through prayer, gathering others with similar vision, discernment, and willingness to fail I can find cultural bridges to be friend people, grow relationships, and communicate the Good News of Jesus. I can be culture.
Shouldn’t we through the power of the Holy Spirit be able to be more creative, have more passion, establish more energy, and impact and lead culture more powerfully than any pagan (as in Paul’s use of pagan, “without Jesus) is able to muster?

But not of
The inherent trap of alternative ministry is to be swayed from God’s kingdom by the cultures values. As much as we should be in and want to be a friend and a voice... As much as we want to treat people with gentleness and respect... We cannot be of. We are different. We have a master. We have sold ourselves, our rights, our lives. We are called to morals and obedience. When a Christian enters the alternative scene, there should be no greater contrast in our society.
The alternative culture is the junior high kid of our society’s family – the one that knows enough to point out the flaws in the family, but doesn’t have the tools or maturity to figure out how to bring healthy change. So often, the alternative element of the family goes and seeks the dysfunctional neighbor kids for acceptance and rejects the family relationships.
It’s time for us to move forward. It’s time for us to grow up and bring to the table the grace that Christ has given us. We are a part of the Body of Christ. Be in every area of culture, but being of is being severed from the body.
I’ve ministered with those who were passionate about the Kingdom, now settle for serving mother earth or worse, rogue self.
Individuals, who began being hurt, frustrated, sometimes not accepted with the Church. Who made reaching out more important than keeping Jesus fresh in their lives? Who gave up on meeting together for prayer and encouragement? Who used legalistic pasts as excuse to give up on the spiritual disciplines and not wean themselves off the bottle?
Many churches may reject your method of reaching out, but I guarantee you there are plenty of suburban church woman’s circles full of people who love Jesus that would pray for you daily, no matter what you look like, if they knew you were trying to reach the unreachable for Jesus.
There lies the challenge. How do we show love and acceptance to the individual while not being of their culture? We do this by searching for the ways of their culture we can accept. By showing we are interested and will love the individual. And we best love by keeping Jesus fresh in us. By being in (relational and culturally relevant) and not being of this world.

Identity Issues in Underground Subcultures

Identity Issues in Underground Subcultures
Mark Humphries - Red Herring Cathedral - Winnipeg MB

Red Herring Cathedral
The Red Herring Cathedral was a late night coffee house in Winnipeg, MB that started in the summer of 1995. The Red Herring provided a venue for a stream of bands, DJ’s and a host of other artists. It also became an ever changing community of people who would stay up all hours of night and day sharing conversation and too much coffee. The dream itself grew out of the desire of my wife Alex and myself wanting to communicate Christ to our peers, most of whom were not Christians and who would have little to do with organized religion.
We began dreaming about a late night coffee house with the support of an elder at our church and one night we prayed together and asked God for a place to start a ministry. I really did not expect an answer so quickly but through a series of relational connections two weeks later we had the use of an empty house. I remember going with the same elder to meet the owner of the house and trying to explain to him about a whole group of people who would never fit in at a church. He had no idea of the people that would eventually use that house but he trusted that God might be giving us a vision and he offered the use of the house if we would pay the taxes.
It was an exciting time: suddenly God seemed very real and lots of things seemed possible. Even as we began to fix up the house we began to pray that God would form a community; that fringe Christians would come and get connected with each other and that we would be a voice to the alternative culture in Winnipeg. We had only a vague idea of what we were getting ourselves into but we had a lot of passion that came from wanting to share our experience.
To fast forward the story, we went through many stages of growth and change. I tended to get a sense of restlessness unless I felt we were making progress with connecting with people outside of Church culture. At one point we were drawing out many youth groups and we decided to shut the coffee house down because we did not want to become a drop in center for youth groups.

Osborne Village
We then moved into Osborne Village a more central location in the city that attracted squeegee kids and buskers and was the cool place to go for coffee on a summer evening. When we reopened our doors we took the risky step of only having bands that played in the regular music scene. We did this because we saw that Christian bands were simply reinforcing the Christian youth ghetto. I also talked to all the key youth leaders who hung out there and asked them not to come all at once. It was during this time that we began to see the fringes of the street culture and various music cultures come into the coffee house.
At first it was a few people checking it out. One night we had a potluck and there was a lot of food left over so a couple of people went out on the street and gave some food to a group hanging out in what was called The Circle (a general hang out for drug selling/buying). After that, a few of the street youth came in and then along with them a steady stream of disaffected young adults from the various identity tribes---Goth, punk, vampire, nerd, rave and a host of other variations.
I think because of the size of Winnipeg, the identity tribes tended to overlap somewhat and since the Red Herring was the only coffee house where they could smoke cigarettes, drink bottomless coffee and hangout all night with out buying food we became the most popular hangout in Osborne village for a period of a couple of years.
During those two years was when I solidified some key insights and frustrations in why it was so difficult to see transformation take place in the lives of some of these young adults. Over the entire lifespan of the five years the Herring existed there were probably only a couple of dozen people who came forward with a recognizable conversion experience, although even today I still hear stories of different individuals who became Christians.
At the time I felt very frustrated with how slow the process was and how, when someone made a move towards Christ, we usually saw three moves backwards right away. What I see now is that we lacked the sustainable community structures to help people transition into a growing faith. Although on occasion people did make the transition it was often very difficult and the ones who tended to make it had some prior church experience or support.

The Role of Identity
There is one key insight that I saw played out over and over again in the subcultures which made sense both of how I came to understand why people are drawn to these tribes and also what will be required to move people towards Christ. The key issue I believe in working with the various subcultures is the role of identity. We are all driven to seek and maintain some form of identity, as this forms our attempts to make our way through the world. Identity always comes from a source. Another way of saying this is that identity is primarily relational.
Advertisers know this point well because they are always trying to get us to make identity connections with their products by relating our lives to some kind of ideal world. In other words, on the most simplistic level, if I drive this car I will be perceived a certain way; I am making a statement about who I am. Christians maintain that the true source of identity is God which can be summed up in a single scripture from Genesis 1:27 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created them”.
In fact one can see the whole story of redemption as a story of loss and regaining of identity. God first creates humanity in his image but due to the entrance of sin, that primary connection is marred. God then develops a formal relationship to the people of Israel through the law to sustain and maintain a people that he can call His own. Finally, He sends Christ into the world to re-connect people to the original source of identity and, in a sense, remake people in the image of Christ.
The rise of youth identity cultures cannot be separated from the identity vacuum created in the wake of the rejection of church culture since the 1960’s. The generations that largely make up these identity subcultures have grown up without the assumed culture that understood Genesis 1:27. The impact of this shift is that they have little assumed knowledge of God as the source of identity.

The Source of Identity
Imagine you had the money to buy a Van Gogh painting (a few million dollars). One of the reasons you would pay that much money for it is because the creator of that painting was Van Gogh himself. He was, in a sense, the source of that painting. What happens if I take that painting and mass produce it as something that sells at Wal-Mart for $19.99? The image becomes almost worthless once disconnected from the true source. I believe this is the kind of impact that forms the experience of people searching for identity in the subcultures.
One summer our family was on vacation and passing through South Dakota. As is our tradition, we were running out of money and looking for a cheap place to pitch a tent for the night. We found a little campsite in the middle of nowhere and set up our camp. At the time out daughter Cairo was less than a year old and so we laid her on a blanket while we got ready for the night.
At some point I was struck with a thought that no doubt many parents feel-perhaps even God. What would happen to Cairo if something terrible happened to Alex and myself? Cairo would be left alone in the middle of nowhere. Assuming she survived, perhaps through a kind family, she would not know who she was. She would have to make up stories of how she ended up there, perhaps abandoned, perhaps unwanted, or perhaps a terrible accident. She would never know that she was my daughter and that I loved her. She would be disconnected from the source of her identity and in that disconnection she would be forced to define who she was from the wilderness she was left in.
In a sense that is a picture of humanity without God, but it is also particular to the subcultures, in that so many of them have been abandoned by parents and also by virtue of growing up with so little connection to the true story. When we lose this primary connection to our parents and to the original parent God, then by default our identity has only has secondary sources left, namely culture, which is why people are seeking to create identity in the image of culture.
Of course we all take identity from our surrounding culture but the uniqueness of the identity subcultures is that they also represent a rejection of mainstream images and solutions for identity. Within the Red Herring extended community you often hear the mantra, “I’m different, I’m an individual”. Typically this is defined as being unlike mainstream images of normal identity. The business man, for example, would be an image of conformity that would represent mainstream culture and would be an undesirable role model. Often the inverse would be the driver of identity.

Expressions of Identity
I saw this in females who tried to express an identity that was the inverse of a mainstream image of a female. I remember one young woman commenting that “I don’t look slutty enough, I look too cutesy”. There was also underlying attitudes that being dark, angry or messed-up was cool. There were also a variety of other constructed identities that I saw people adopt for themselves.
There was one person who took on the role of a vampire, which was a common myth to draw identity from, except in this individual, due to some emotional imbalance, at times he seemed to believe he was a vampire. One time he picked a fight in the middle of the coffeehouse and started hissing at another individual and talking about how he would destroy him.
There was also an individual I spent an afternoon talking with who claimed to be an angel. This is an example of how identity needs can be reinforced by spiritual experiences. This particular individual had some profound experiences which led him to believe that he was an angel.
We began to see the identity issue as a key barrier for people asking faith questions and an even bigger barrier for someone who wants to make a public choice of faith because if one’s identity is firmly tied to the group and he or she wants to make a different identity choice there is a strong pull towards conformity to the old group.
We saw this when, during the last year of the Red Herring, we started hosting Spiritual Discussion Nights every Wednesday. At first we tried to start from the bible and engage discussion but that really did not work well so we reversed our thinking and started from the culture. We discussed Satanism, drugs, suicide, anything and everything that opened up room to be real with people and also to dig into identity issues. There were often some amazing conversations and insights and I started to see that discipleship is something that begins before and after any clear choice to follow Christ.
There was one person in particular who had started to go with some of our key volunteers to a Vineyard church. Most of the time when you saw him he had a typical Goth persona with black Crow-like makeup and black ripped clothing. Sometimes he would go to the Vineyard dressed like this and he was also hanging out on Wednesday nights at Spiritual discussion night. He asked good questions and myself and others had honest dialogues with him and I noticed less and less of the external persona over time.
Then one particular discussion night he came in with the full look and I could sense something had changed. At the start of the discussion he declared to the whole group “I have made my choice I have checked out Christianity and I have decide that I am a witch”. I never got to find out why the switch happened because he stopped coming around, but I would guess he encountered some identity barrier with some Christians and returned to the identity role of the Goth/Witch which brought him instant identity reinforcement.
In understanding the change an individual needs to go through, it is critical that there are some peers who can understand and, in some sense, have one foot in the world of the person who is encountering Christ.
I have seen over and over again that a person begins responding to Christ and there is a pullback because they feel they are losing themselves. They rightly feel the center of their identity switching and it can be scary. In a sense, discipleship is a process of switching the center of our identity towards Christ. For this reason, if we desire to help someone else work through an identity transformation in Christ I think we need to have some awareness of our own identity issues and needs.
I know it is common for Christians to say, “Put your identity in Christ and not in the world,” but I think the truth is that, to some degree our identity is always in both. In my experience, Christians often wanting to work with subcultures tend to see the subcultures in a glamorous way.

The Importance of Communities
I believe that what is needed are church communities of people - no matter how small - who are close enough to the identity subcultures that people can connect with them and see an image of Christ being modeled before them that they can identity with.
Finally we need to dialogue with people in a way that brings them into contact with their real experience. Often identity subcultures mask or romanticize pain and difficult life experiences in a valid attempt to keep their lives together. When people are able to be real about the painful experience of being abandoned by parents or seeing a father beat their mother, then there is a pathway both to healing and honest spiritual dialogue.
Communities that encourage honest dialogue about the painful experiences that led people in a search for alternative identity will be better able to help people connect to Christ.
Let me finish with the story of John (name changed). John came to the Red Herring as an angry young man who had adopted a Goth persona. He had some Christian background through his mother but his step-father had made life very difficult for him he had also been rejected by some Christians in an earlier youth group encounter.
John was quite intelligent and had begun to look into Buddhism as a means to help explain his world. In Buddhism he thought he had found a way to accept his pain through the path of accepting life as suffering. The problem was that it was not working and he was deeply angry at God and the world around him. He began to ask people a question based on an experience.
When he was still attending youth group a friend had become very depressed and he had prayed to God to help his friend. God did not answer and his friend committed suicide. His question was why did God allow his friend to die? The standard answer was that God gave his friend free will and unfortunately his friend used it in a negative way. I could see this answer was not helping him and while I was trying to think of how I should answer I saw the question from a new perspective. The image that came to mind was of Christ dying on the cross and while He is dying He cries out “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46)
I began to see Johns underlying question as the same as Jesus’ question; God why have you forsaken me? The difference of course is that Jesus had a strong relationship with the Father, he knew who he was. He had heard the Fathers voice say “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” (Matthew 3:17) Can we become the kind of church communities that help people hear that voice?
Mark Humphries virtualmark@mts.net
http://incident-report.blogspot.com

William Paulsell

"It is unlikely that we will deepen our relationship with God in a casual or haphazard manner. There will be a need for some intentional commitment and some reorganization in our own lives. But there is nothing that will enrich our lives more than a deeper and clearer perception of God's presence in the routine of daily living."
~William Paulsell~

Understanding the different sub-cultures

Understanding the Different Sub-cultures
Andrew Jones - Boaz Project- Prague, Czechoslovakia
Making sense of today's subcultures can be overwhelming. It was certainly a challenge for me when I moved my family to the corner of Haight and Ashbury in San Francisco. So many subcultures, each with its own alternative world of taste, shops, fashions, music, choice of drugs. And then the conflicts of having them relate to each other --- the ravers were too happy for the punks and the goths were too serious for the hippies.
But after living among them for a while I began to see patterns emerge which helped to put their cultures in perspective in a way that gave value to their distinctiveness without confining them to a box. I began to see different worlds that each had a gravitational pull. These worlds offered various directions in which young people could move if they wanted to leave the mainstream and journey towards an alternative world.
At first, I saw these directions take place on two axes. The first is in relation to time; The directions are backward in time or forward in time. It is much like how a mechanic will either retard or advance a distributor to synchronize the right timing for a car, or like rewinding or fast-forwarding a video. The second axis is in relation to space; The two directions are downward or upward, either descending or transcending the mainstream dimension like climbing up or down a ladder.
I later found it helpful to add another axis which has to do with personal interaction or integration with society. It also has two directions--- toward or away. They moved along the axis towards either extremity or isolation.

The Time Continuum:
Backward or Forward?
Backwards and forwards are related to time. Escaping the mainstream existence, also known as Babylon because of its greed, selfishness and conformity rather than creativity and community, can be attempted by going back in time or forward in time.

Backward
Going backward can represent a movement towards a simpler world. It could mean going back a few decades (retro) and adopting the clothes and values of a world that seems to make more sense than the present mainstream world. Or it could mean slipping back to a more tribal, primitive existence. Adopting neo-romantic ideals of the simple human, the "noble native", a society free from modern concerns of materialism and consumerism., a rural utopia where equality exists between humans and animals and trees. I have referred to such a world as "The Enchanted Forest", it is a world alive with living things, and people that live in it tend to wear natural fibers with natural colors and use natural drugs (marijuana, hash). There is a return to primitive religion for guidance --- animism, monism, communal living, organic foods and organic building materials, tribal drums, tribal tattoos and piercings. There is an expectation of oneness, a desire for unity and harmony, for peace on earth.
I found it helpful to bring the gospel in its original narrative form rather than a prepositional formula. I re-told the Creation story from Genesis, as it relates to and fulfills much of primal mythology. I present myself not as one who holds to a 2,000 year old religion, but rather as one who traces his heritage back to the very first person who responded to the initiative of God to restore the harmonious relationship that had existed in "dreamtime". The tree of life is central to my storytelling.
The longing for the tree of life is something that touches them deeply and gives interpretation to the primacy of trees in their own religion and lifestyle. I tell them the tree of life was transplanted (Rev. 22) and that it is accessible through the One who hung on the Tree to enable us to have life and life to the full.
I try to avoid the 20th Century preoccupation with individualism in the gospel. It is the family of God that He calls us into, His body, a community that they we live together in forever with their Creator. He came to seek and to save "what" was lost, not "who" was lost.
The redemption of God involves all of creation, a new heaven and a new earth. Those that join this redeemed community have all things in common and look to the one who one day will bring peace and harmony to a new heavens and earth.

Forward
Many people would rather live in the future than in the past or the present, since there are so many exciting possibilities. For them, the future does not come quick enough. They move forward to embrace technological advances.
The fusion of technology with the human (often represented by their body piercings) is a combination they believe will result in a brave new world where many of the problems of the present will not exist. They love motion and speed rather than stillness and reflection. They embrace what technology produces. They wear man-made fibers with colors that are heavily synthesized. Their music is electronic and achieves sounds that only technology could produce. Their drugs are also synthetic made in labs (ecstasy, LSD, Speed) and often have the effect of forward acceleration.
There is great interest in aliens, the Internet and the future. The raver's ideal of P.L.U.R. (peace, love, unity and respect) could well fit many other cultures in this world although the skinhead's philosophies of fascism and social Darwinism are also present. Much of this world has to do with getting the "edge" or advantage over others (smart drugs, smart bars, smart cards, etc). It is these people whose fears are relieved in the knowledge of the hope of God, the Coming One. He knows what the future holds and, as the Psalmist sings, "our times are in His hand."

The Space Continuum:
Downward or Upward?
For those that want to exist in a dimension other than the present world of the living that traps them, there are options of escape. They can descend it (downwards) or transcend it (upwards).

Downward
The downward trip is an attempt to live sub-terrain, underground from mainstream. Descending can be achieved through drugs (depressants, heroin, alcohol), through temperament (gothic) or living out a personified deconstruction of everything the mainstream represents (punk, riot grrl, grunge).
a) Industrial music creates sounds out of the grinding noises of a society in decay.
b) Punk music, in its various forms, gives expression to the anger and frustration.
c) Goth music can often find the "marvelous" in the mystery and play on the remains of dead religion. It can also access the soothing silence of death that carries its own beauty for those seeking to descend the ugly realities of a broken world.
Spirituality often revolves around what is secret, mysterious, and unavailable to mere earthlings. Interest in the dark arts of occult is high and whatever has been forbidden or persecuted in the past is valued. Vampirism is admired for its mysterious, spiritual and erotic value. Black tends to be the dominant color and studded leather carries a symbolic rebellion and protection against violence. Piercings in this world are often valued by the experience of the piercing itself (pain, eroticism, and rebellion)

Upward
The upward trip is one of transcendence so the spiritual aspect is a large factor. If the trip downwards is often connected with a desire for power or healing, then the upward journey is often an attempt at higher knowledge, leading to a higher existence. This attempt may be through drugs (psychedelics) or spirituality (mysticism) or a combination of both (techno-shamanism). There is much stress on creation - planets, cycles, seasons, and the appropriate rituals that enable humans to interact.
Historical ritual sites become places of power and the ideal site for a spiral dance or rave or drum circle. There is a longing for a convergence of all things so that universal harmony might establish a higher way of living for all. The clothing is loose and unrestricted and often in the colors of the sky (blues and oranges). Jewelry is often connected to the stars or to various forms of mysticism. Babylonian, Egyptian, Celtic, and Ethiopian in particular.
Paganism is popular as a return to earth based religion. So is wicca and goddess worship, which can represent the restoration of the female dimension for an overly patriarchal spirituality and thus another balancing mechanism to enable convergence of the forces. Time is cyclical rather than linear.
Things that are timeless are valued over things are bound by time (pop-culture) or progressive in time. Tantric sex, in its present western packaging, has more to do with a continued moment of spiritual ecstasy and is considered "higher" than intercourse that moves progressively towards a climax. They tend to see Jesus as a mystic or shaman.
I present him as the Ascended Master, the Knowledge of God, the One who stands behind all the forces of the universe and will one day cause the great convergence to happen when He brings all things into harmony under his gentle care. I learned a lot from studying Celtic Christianity and found a platform on which I could meet with witches and carry a conversation that wasn't stained by witch burnings and Crusades.
The Celtic believers followed Jesus into a holistic lifestyle that embraced the arts, avoided institutionalism, created life-transforming ritual, and accessed power from God to raise the dead. The next generation respects that. I also gained a lot from studying the redemptive fantasies and fairy tales of George MacDonald and C.S. Lewis who portrayed the "deeper magic" in a way that is palatable to the generation now learning from Harry Potter.

The Relational Distance Continuum:
Towards or Away?
The Third Axis is that of Distance. It describes where cultures place themselves in relation to others or to elements in their world. They will usually either move towards something to be close to it and even go beyond it or they will move away from something to avoid it, hide from it

Towards
This the direction towards extremity, exaggeration, excess. It escapes the mainstream by moving towards its fears and taboos rather than avoiding them. Embracing death through music and art (death metal), experiencing danger through extreme sports (skaters), making excess a fashion statement through distortion and exaggeration.
Hard Core music knows no bounds of volume control or voice projection.
Creating shock value through abnormal body manipulation, forbidden sex practices, non-sensible tattoos and extreme piercings, 1930's suits and yellow top hats.

It is a rebellion against normality and a deconstruction of society's norms. It finds a heritage in the dada and surreal art movements of France and Germany. It makes weird fashionable.
When it comes to spirituality, the religions and cults that demand the greatest commitment seem to be the most attractive. The "Straight Edge" movement is often embraced for its commitment to the "no's" of a strict lifestyle.
Christianity is normally perceived as something tame (or lame) and predictable. I am quick to point out the radical nature of following Jesus, which historically has often ended up with the upheaval of "normal" society as well as the death of his followers.

Away
The opposite direction on the distance axis is away from society, a removal, a relocation of ones existence to a point as far away possible from where everyone is. It is a means of escape, an avoidance of life, a refusal to communicate, a shying away from whatever is going on. It is taking a culture to its introverted extreme where the solitude provides a safe place for contemplation.
There are many goths who choose to live in the quietness of the night rather than the day. Increasing numbers of "Cultural Creatives" choose to live off the power grid in remote areas where human contact can be more selective. Cyberspace also offers a respite for geeks who prefer a virtual world where they can avoid the demands of face to face interaction and the norms of fashion and etiquette.
For people occupied with this movement away, spirituality that values meditation, pilgrimage, and disciplines of silence are attractive. Many have recently taken another look at Roman Catholicism and Eastern Orthodox spirituality. Even evangelicals are exploring the idea of labyrinths and monastic orders. The Celtic way, with its history of pilgrimage and "martyrs" that traveled to the mountains and islands to seek God in an isolated place provides encouragement to do the equivalent in the 21st century.
The writings of the Desert Fathers come from a deep place of experiencing the presence of God and are valued highly.



A Colorful, Rotating Ball
Putting the three axes together gives a three dimensional ball on which most subcultures could be placed in relation to their time, space and relational distance. It should be pointed out, however, that there are two factors that add to the complexity of understanding these subcultures.


Motion
No culture is stationary. All are moving and changing and so are the people that make up those cultures. It is common for people to move out of one culture and into another and then into another. From hippie to gutter-punk to cyberpunk, for example.

Integration
Movement across subcultures means there will always be elements of one subculture present in another. A "Velvet Goth" may still have his hemp necklace from his Rainbowithdeadhead past. Tattoos remain despite paradigm shifts. There are some sub-cultures that tend to stay within their own worlds and others that find acceptance in another cultural environment. A drum circle within a tribal rave on an ancient burial site, for example, might be attractive to alternative people from within very different subcultures.
It may be best to imagine that the ball is constantly rotating and the colors are always blending with each other to create new flavors and remixes, always changing and always reflecting the hopes and fears of the people that have the boldness to wear their anxieties, tattoo their story for the world to read, openly display the color that represents how the deepest part of them feels.
Such people refuse to conform to expectations and are therefore often sidelined as rebellious, out of touch, or just weird. It is no secret that Jesus felt especially drawn to the social outcasts of his day. Among them he found a heightened receptivity to the Story of God. It was these alternative youth that were called out to form the Body of Christ and represent Him to the world. I expect that the emerging church of today will find its most uncompromising leaders from among the alternative subcultures of today.

Ministering to the Sub-cultures

Ministering to the
Underground
Sub-cultures
Trevor Macpherson – Worldshakers Christian Growth Center - Vancouver BC

You can find them on the street corners of any major city, they wear black or disheveled clothes, have many parts of their body pierced, their hair is weird, they talk of anarchy and declare that they are Satanists. Who are they? They are Punks and Rockers or, as they have been more recently called, "Generation X" - the Alternative - Underground Sub-culture. At first, most of us thought that this was just another fad and that, like other fads, it would just fade away. But, if anything, it is growing larger.
The interesting characteristic of this underground sub-culture is that it is almost worldwide. For instance, if you look alternative you can go to Europe, South America, Asia, even some places in Africa and the Middle East, and you will immediately be received by the underground there. The thing that connects these people is music. Here we listen to groups from all over the world and they do like-wise.

Why is this Significant?
Right now there are many parts of the world where God is moving but these movements have very little effect on us because they take place in the context of completely different cultures. Often, if we try to transplant what is happening there, it doesn’t work in our culture. Alternative people are the outcasts of almost every culture so if God were to move in the underground, because it is so inter-connected, it would be like a wild fire going from country to country and culture to culture. Then from the fringe of each culture the fire would begin to sweep into the center.
This is exactly what happened about 25 years ago; in 1971-72 thousands upon thousands of Hippies from countries all over the world found God and came into churches as the "Jesus people". Gradually, this has changed the whole character of church. Before the "Jesus People" movement, church had hymns for worship, a mid week evening Bible study at the church, where the pastor taught and everyone listened, and the pastor’s Sunday message generally in the tone of a Parent to child.
After the "Jesus people" movement, choruses and contemporary worship began to be added. Though gradual at first, now most churches have all contemporary worship. Next, because the "Jesus people" were activists and radicals, they weren't satisfied with just sitting and being taught, they wanted to be part of the discussion. The church began to have discussion-type bible studies which eventually moved out of the church and into people homes and on every night of the week.
Finally, the "Jesus people" didn’t want to be treated like children and have a parental figure get up every Sunday and point his finger at them and tell what bad kids they were. So there was gradually a change in preaching style to an adult to adult approach. I believe that God is getting ready to change things all over again with a new underground sub-culture.
The question is, are we ready? What would happen if a group of Alternative kids who were recently saved came into your church this Sunday? They have all different colors of hair, piercings all over their bodies, they are a little rowdy and (because they are just new Christians their language isn’t cleaned up) one of the young guys comes up to the pastor and says, Shit that was a good message!
Would the older Christians, let their love cover a multitude of sins and not put religious stumbling blocks in front of them? Would they welcome the young people in with open arms or would these young people begin to feel the cold shoulder and slowly realize that they weren’t welcome the way they were.
I don’t think God is going to release His power in the underground until there are enough churches and ministries ready to protect all the new little lambs He wants to bring into the kingdom. He doesn’t want them slaughtered by the wolves just waiting for an opportunity.

Understanding Generation X
As Christians, whose task it is to take the gospel to every living creature, how then do we reach these young people? It seems that everything that they stand for is contrary to what we believe.
Unfortunately, the church is under a misconception which makes it even more difficult. Generally, the attitude that the church has taken toward the sub-culture is, "these are good kids who have gone bad, so we need to get them out of it and bring them back to the good." This basically says to young people, "unless you come back to the middle class you can't have Jesus". We wouldn't word it that way, but isn't that what we are communicating?
How do you reach a people group who are usually so negative?" Is the question I kept asking myself when God spoke to me about reaching out to this sub-culture. As far as I was concerned, they were mouthy, rebellious, ungrateful and angry Satanists and anarchists. Try as I might, I just couldn't see how God could do anything with this group. Sure, I had seen firsthand how He had been able to touch the hippie sub-culture to birth the Jesus people movement but that was different because there I could see some common ground.
They wanted things like peace, love and freedom, similar to the views of Christianity, but this new group seemed completely opposed to everything that I and my faith stood for. Fortunately, God sees what we do not and He began to work on my heart over the next 3 years to totally transform my attitude.
He began the process during a conversation with two young people in our church; we were talking about secular heavy metal music and the negative effect it has on people. One of them said, "Well it's like that line from the AC/DC song "Hells Bells", (WE ARE TAKING YOUR CHILDREN TO HELL AND NO ONE IS PUTTING UP A FIGHT). I was so startled that I asked him to repeat it, and then asked if he was sure that it actually said that. I couldn't believe the arrogance of the devil. Not only was he doing it more openly than ever, now he was bragging about it. My second reaction was in the form of, "them those are fighting words!" I felt that someone had to put up some kind of a fight for these kids.

Heavy Metal Concerts
I decided that a good place to start, was to take a couple of these young guys and start going out to the Heavy metal concerts that came to town, not to protest, but to witness and pray. I had heard from a friend who worked on the streets, that whenever one of these the openly Satanic bands came into town suicide and Satanism would increase after they left, like a wave of evil being released each time they played. Therefore, along with the evangelism, we decided to also take seriously the need to bind up the spirits that came with these musicians, in order to stop these releases and to stop the spirits from doing their work.
As we continued to go out to these concerts over the next couple of years, we saw 3 significant things take place:
1) At a number of the concerts the enemy's spiritual power was totally shut down. We were even able to read about the results of out prayers in the reviews the next day; sometimes they would even comment on the exact things we had prayed for.
2) As we shared Christ with these young people we began to find out that they weren't exactly what we expected. We discovered that most of them had come from really hard, abusive backgrounds and that their rough outside was basically a cover for all of the hurt inside.
3) At some of the concerts the Lord would prompt me to just stand and pray for the people. As I did this He would point out a person walking by and I would hear Him say, "no one has ever prayed for this person, would you please pray for him/her". As this happened numerous times a night at each of the concerts, I began to see that this was a forgotten and neglected generation that very few people have cared about, including the church.

Why the Anarchy
Even after studying the cultural philosophies I still had a hard time dealing with the anarchy and the Satanism because I just couldn't seem to get a handle on why these were popular. I brought this dilemma to my friend who worked with street kids downtown and he was able to give me some helpful insight.
He pointed out that, for many of them, their first exposure to authority was in the home, where they had parents who abused them. This abuse either continued, or led to, their being put in foster homes. For many of them this didn't help because they were then abused by these new authority figures. Then, when they complained to their social worker (the next authority figure), they were often not believed and were left in the abusive situation or had to run away.
Most of them, also because of the above problems, did poorly in school, which again brought them into negative confrontations with the school's authority figures. This pattern then continues on with the police, government officials, landlords, etc. until, from their perspective, "authority is corrupt so let's get rid of authority and have anarchy instead."
The way my friend's ministry had learned to respond was, "You are right, authority is corrupt, and that is why Jesus is coming back because only He will rule the world with true justice. In the mean time, instead of being an Anarchist, which leaves you with nothing, why not become a Godarchist, (obeying authority, not because it just, but because God has told us to) and end up with true justice and eternal life."

Are They Really Satanists
For some of these young people, the Satanism is very real and they have embraced it in rebellion to God but for most of them that isn't the case. For them it is more by default than by actual choice and far more for show than real belief.
This second group has a dilemma because they know they are in need but since they have cut out authority figures and resources from their life, where then do they turn to get help?
The one place that they should be able to turn to and find help is the church but unfortunately, when many of them have they tried to go to church (and we were shocked to find out how many really had tried) instead of acceptance and love most of them found rejection.
Therefore, they travel on down the line and end up with Satan, who seems to be the only one who is interested in them. But instead of helping them, he destroys them.
We, on the other hand, as the church, need to be there for these needy young people, helping them with an attitude of love and acceptance. I was talking with one of these young fellows, all dressed in black and a musician in one of the local punk bands, and he mentioned to me that when he was younger he had gone to church. I encouraged him to try going back but he told me they would reject him. I suggested that maybe it was a misconception and he should give it a try anyway. "No” he said, “I have tried going back and they did reject me".
Then I told him to come to our church because he would be accepted there. He took a long, careful look in my eyes and said, "I believe you, there is something different about you". He asked for my phone number, so he could call me if he wanted to talk more. I realized that the difference he saw was the love I had for him. I don't know where along this process it happened but that night I realized that God had actually changed my heart, I really did love him and for him to find a person, who loved and accepted him, instead of rejecting him, spoke volumes to him.
Try to see it from their point of view: when they try to go to church they get rejected and then, as if to add salt to the wound, church people come down to their streets and yell at them, telling them what horrible sinners they are. This is their picture of the church. Most of them have never once experienced a Christian who genuinely showed them love instead of rejection.
If this was the extent of your contact with the church and Christianity, how do you think you'd feel, and how in the world would you ever find God?

Cross Cultural Missionary Work
Slowly, it dawned on me that this truly was another culture (or as some have called it, “a tribe”) and that I was actually being called to a type of cross-cultural mission.
This meant that I needed to learn their language, their values and even their perspective on life.

Positive Aspects of the Alternative Sub-culture
The other thing I began to discover was that there were actually some positive aspects to the sub-culture. For instance, they love creativity, honesty and sincerity and they hate hypocrisy. Also, most of them won't compromise their principals for materialism. I found that, as with all cultures, there are some aspects that are contrary to the gospel and some that are more consistent.
This entirely changed my perspective on the ministry. This was when I began to see that we weren't called to get good kids who have gone bad to come back to the middle class church. Instead, our goal became to teach them how to walk with Christ in their own sub-culture or, in other words, to be in it and not of it. This way they become the salt and light to the next generation so we don't neglect another one.
Also, in my studying I discovered that there wasn't just one group, but that there were a number of major groupings:

What do they think about Jesus
They have a hard time seeing that Jesus is really for them. One night, when we were talking to the kids on the street, I gave a young guy a tract that we had made up. When he looked at it he said, "Oh, that's not for me". He said it in such a funny way that I asked him what he meant and he said, "Well I don't have a job and a big car so it's not for me", and he was dead serious.
I then understood how much we, in the middle class church, had changed Jesus into our own cultural image.
Consider this for a moment, Jesus
1) Was only 30 years old
2) Was uneducated
3) Didn't have a place to lay His head
4) Was an international refugee
5) Grew up with the mistaken stigma of being born out of wedlock
6) Regularly criticized and pointed out the hypocrisy of the senior pastors and denominational leaders of His day
7) Spent most of His time hanging out with longshoreman, prostitutes and the equivalent of punks and rockers.

In your opinion who does He sound more like, a normal church member or one of these street kids?
Next, consider this: if Jesus came today, how many churches would be willing to hire him as a senior pastor? Not many. He was too young, uneducated and far too radical. Yet somehow we have so changed the image of Jesus that these kids find it hard to believe that He is the "friend of sinners” (punks and rockers). This has got to be changed. We need to present to them the real Jesus before they can find the real salvation.

Reaching out to the Underground
1) The first and most important way to reach out to these young people is to see past the outward roughness and just love and accept them, period. They need this more than anything else you could ever give them.
2) Second, whenever you see these young people please pray for them (remember you may be the first and only person to ever pray for this person), they really do need it. This is one of the clearest ways to let the enemy know that someone is going to put up a fight for these kids.
3) Third, using the vehicle of music. "Studies show that teenagers will listen to an estimated 10,500 hours of rock music between the 7th and 12th grades alone," (U.S. News and World Report Oct. 28, 1985). Music does play a major part in their lives (far more than when we were growing up) and, therefore, it is a very effective vehicle.
a) Encourage the young people in your church, who probably know the kind of music that will reach their friends, to start a band which can be used in reaching out to this new generation. If it is not the kind of music you are use to; please be patient and long-suffering with them, as long as it is Christ-centered, encourage them to use it for Him as an outreach to their generation.
b) Another possibility would be to buy some CD’s of the number of the good Christian Alternative bands that are available and give them to these kids.
4) Finally, these young people are far more visually oriented than our culture so a picture is worth 10,000 words. Vivid graphic art is another very effective tool for reaching them. Instead of thinking, "what can I say to these young people”, think, "What picture best communicates the message I want to them to receive". This may even involve word pictures.

Ministry hints
Here is something that I have noticed and, to me, shows why we need each other. Generally, the older the person is who has a ministry, (e.g. Zine, band, outreach, ministry center, etc.) the more burden and vision they tend to have but less ability to convey it in a relevant way. This group has been called to mentor the next generation into it's calling.
It seems the younger they are, the more relevant they are, but they often seem to have little burden for ministry. This is the next generation. Finally, there is a third group that is right in the middle (late 20's to early 30's) who seem to have both, some burden and some relevance. These are the workers who form a bridge between the other two groups (remember, this is just a generalization, because I have met people who don't fit into these categories).
This means we need to work together. Neither, "those old coots are on a control trip and keep trying to cram me into their idea of Christianity ," nor "those young punks are only out to have fun and be cool and don't even care about ministry" will work.
With lots of love, acceptance and a miracle from God, we can see this "Lost Generation" get free of the enemy and be found by the Good Shepherd.

Prophecies about the Underground:
Crucial Role in the End Times - Rick Joiner, from the Harvest. Morningstar Ministry
The Lord has prepared a ministry for this last day, which will be the marvel of the men and the angels. These will not be the self-seeking or the self-promoting, and most of them will remain unknown to the world and to much of the church. Their works and the preaching will stir nations but many will fade into the crowds and disappear before anyone even knows who they are.
They will have no desire to build major ministries and will not covet fame and fortune. They are “spiritual celibates"; they will not “rape the bride”. Just as a natural eunuch is given entirely to preparing the bride for the king, and has no desire for her as he is not even able to, these will be completely given to preparing the church for her King. Their whole purpose is to see the King’s joy because they are truly His friends. These will follow Him wherever He goes.
While many of their peers have been seeking exposure and promotion for their ministries, these have been quietly preparing themselves just as Jesus did for His thirty years. While others are advancing in ministry many of these have been retreating. While others have been building up, these have been digging down, trying to strengthen their foundations and deepen their roots. Not in rebellion, and often grieving over it, these are usually out of harmony with much of the church.
When the battle unfolds, much of the leadership in the church will have gained their positions through self-promotion and political manipulation. Many who are considered “generals” by the people will be “privates” in God’s eyes. Some in the lower ranks in the people’s eyes will be God’s top generals.
These will not seek rank or position in the church at this time, but will quietly, mostly incognito, direct the end time strategy of the church. Their authority will be in their wisdom. Like Stephen, who was but a deacon but whose wisdom and power lit a fire that set a new course for Christianity, this new breed, without fame or position, will direct some of the greatest events in history. Through men will never know many of them, the entire host of heaven and hell have known them from the beginning.
Not since Jesus has the enemy feared anyone like he does these selfless messengers of power. Just as he tried to destroy Moses and Jesus by killing the children, his present onslaught through abortion and drugs is a desperate attempt to destroy these before they can mature. Some of them will have been dragged through the dregs of the human sin, trauma and despair before they are awakened. They will love much because they were forgiven of much and delivered of much. As deep as the enemy has been able to get his roots into them, that is how deep the Lord will fill them after their deliverance.

SHELLEY LUBBEN, MANTAN ARTIS PORNO & PELACUR

Shelley Lubben
Mantan Artis Porno dan Pelacur
Saya lahir tahun 1968, dan tumbuh di California selatan. Saya adalah yang tertua dari
tiga bersaudara, seorang anak berkemauan keras dengan kepribadian yang
“bersemangat”. 8 tahun pertama dalam hidup saya, keluarga saya menghadiri gereja
yang baik di mana saya belajar tentang Tuhan dan Yesus. Sebagai seorang gadis kecil,
saya mengenal dan sangat mengasihi Yesus.
Ketika saya berumur 9 tahun, banyak hal berubah di dalam keluarga kami. Kami pindah
ke Glendora, meninggalkan gereja dan sahabat-sahabat yang kami kenal dan cintai.
Kedua orang tua saya berhenti menghadiri gereja, dan perlahan-lahan keluarga kami
terseret menjauh dari Tuhan dan dari satu sama lain. Saya tumbuh tanpa hubungan yang
berarti dan intim dengan kedua orang tua saya, meskipun mereka bukan orang tua yang
jahat. Banyak dari waktu dalam keluarga kami, kami habiskan duduk di depan televisi.
Keluarga kami SANGAT SUKA menonton televisi. Saya masih ingat kebanyakan
episode dari televisi tahun 70 dan 80an. The Love Boat, Three’s Company, Star Trek,
Twilight Zone, Chips, I love Lucy (favorit kami), The Munsters, Carol Burnett show,
Gilligan’s Island, Bewitched, Bonanza, dan Happy Days. Singkatnya, saya dibesarkan
oleh televisi dan mulai mengembangkan cara berpikir yang salah dan berbahaya. Ibu
saya sering berkata bahwa, televisi adalah sebuah pengasuh bayi yang hebat.
Saat bertumbuh, saya berbeda dari anak-anak lain. Saya benar-benar kreatif, dan pada
usia yang sangat muda saya sudah mulai menulis puisi dan cerita pendek. Waktu itu
saya sangat frustrasi karena saya tidak memiliki tempat untuk mengarahkan energi
kreatif saya. Orang tua saya tidak mendaftarkan saya ke dalam kegiatan ekstrakulikuler,
dan dalam kebanyakan waktu saya, saya merasa sangat bosan. Pada umur 6 tahun, saya
menulis, menyutradarai, dan “membintangi” drama sekolah saya. Guru kelas satu saya
melihat kreativitas dalam diri saya. Dia memberitahu ibu saya bahwa dia terkagumkagum
dengan bakat saya, dan dia tidak sabar melihat saya di usia saya yang ke-30. Dia
percaya saya bisa menjadi artis Hollywood atau produser film.
Saya ingat juga waktu itu saya seorang yang aneh, karena saya mulai masturbasi dan
memiliki tendensi seksual pada usia yang sangat muda. Mata saya dibukakan terhadap
seksualitas oleh seorang gadis remaja dan saudara laki-lakinya ketika umur saya 9
tahun, dan mulai saat itu mengalami perlakuan seksual dengan perempuan dan laki-laki
sebelum saya berumur 18 tahun. Seks menjadi sesuatu yang membingungkan untuk
saya. Seks berarti “cinta” untuk saya karena enak rasanya merasa dibutuhkan dan
diingini oleh orang lain dan menerima perhatian, tapi pada saat yang sama saya merasa
kotor. Saya tidak sadar pada saat itu, sebagai seorang anak kecil, saya sedang diperkosa
secara seksual.
Sebagai seorang remaja, saya mencari cinta dari laki-laki dan alkohol, dan mulai
berhubungan seks di usia 16 tahun. Usia remaja saya dipenuhi dengan teriakan-teriakan
dan pertengkaran yang konstan dengan kedua orang tua saya. Saya punya seorang ibu
yang marah pada saya sepanjang waktu, dan seorang ayah yang terlihat terlalu sibuk
berteriak menegur saya karena sikap saya yang tidak sopan terhadap ibu saya, dibanding
membangun hubungan ayah-anak yang berkualitas dengan saya. Aku tidak ingat
seorangpun mengatakan “aku mengasihimu” dalam tahun-tahun itu. Kedua orang tuaku
tidaklah jahat, tapi aku merasa mereka tidak tertarik denganku, dan aku menjadi seorang
remaja pemberontak yang bertingkah aneh untuk mendapat perhatian. Tapi bukannya
mendapat perhatian mereka, orang tuaku malah memilih tinggal diam di rumah. Begitu
apatisnya mereka, saya diperbolehkan melakukan hal-hal seperti berpakaian kostum
kelinci playboy pada usia 15 tahun. Saya diperbolehkan mengencani pria-pria yang
mereka tidak kenali. Pada usia 15 tahun saya diperbolehkan pergi ke sebuah malam
prom dengan seorang laki-laki berumur 18 tahun, yang akhirnya membuat saya mabuk
untuk pertama kalinya. Kejadian ini memulai gaya hidup berpesta untuk saya, dan saya
memulai nongkrong di klub malam, menggunakan narkotika, di usia 16 tahun. Orang
tua saya tahu saya punya masalah alcohol, tapi mereka tidak tahu apa yang harus
mereka perbuat. Mereka mencoba konseling keluarga, tapi ayah terlalu “sibuk” bekerja
dan hanya berhasil datang satu kali. Jadi saya pergi mencari keluarga baru dan
menemukan “cinta” di kerumunan yang salah, minum alkohol dengan dosis yang
teratur, dan mulai merokok ganja. Orang tuaku melalui kesedihan yang dalam karena
tindakan-tindakanku, dan akhirnya – di batas kesabaran mereka – mengusir saya dari
rumah di usia saya yang ke-18.
Saya berakhir di San Fernando Valley tanpa uang dan makanan. Seorang pria “baik”
melihat saya kesulitan dan mengatakan betapa dia mengasihani saya. Dia melingkarkan
lengannya di sekeliling saya dan menawarkan bantuan. Tapi kemudian dia mengatakan
pada saya dia mengenal seorang pria yang ingin berhubungan seks dengan saya dan
akan memberi saya uang. Saya masih sangat terkejut dan penuh kemarahan karena
orang tua saya mengusir dari rumah, sehingga saya tidak peduli lagi dan menerima
tawarannya. Saya menjual diri seharga 35 dollar dan hidup saya sebagai pelacur dimulai
dari situ.
Tidak lama aku bertemu seorang ibu yang memperkenalkanku pada sisi “glamour” dari
pelacuran. Dia mengajariku setiap trik pelacuran dan cara memanipulasi pria. Awalnya
terlihat menarik dengan pria-pria memberiku uang, perhiasan, dan hadiah-hadiah, tapi
tidak lama hidup saya terasa seperti perbudakan. Saya menemukan diri saya melakukan
seks yang aneh dengan orang asing dan mulai membencinya. Pelanggan mulai
melakukan hal-hal menyeramkan seperti menyobek kondom dengan sengaja atau
mengikuti saya kemana-mana. Lainnya mencoba membunuh saya dan menabrak saya
dengan truknya. Pria lain membawa pistol kapanpun ia bersama saya dan mengancam
akan membunuh saya kalau saya tidak melayaninya dalam posisi-posisi seks tertentu.
Pria-pria menuntut dan terus meminta dari saya dan saya terus menerus mesti
berbohong untuk keluar dari situasi-situasi yang menakutkan. Saya menjadi seorang
pembohong professional dan dapat benar-benar berbohong untuk melicinkan jalan saya.
Saya bahkan bisa berbohong pada polisi untuk keluar dari tuntutan mengemudi mabuk,
dan beberapa pengalaman mengerikan lainnya. Ini adalah standar untuk industri seks
dan alat meloloskan diri paling utama untuk setiap penari telanjang, pelacur, atau artis
porno.
Gaya hidup dalam industri seks menjadi semakin buruk bagi saya dan saya merasa tidak
ada jalan kemanapun untuk lari. Yesus terus mengetuk pintu hati saya tapi saya tidak
menghiraukan-Nya. Saya berpikir, Tuhan tidak memelihara saya, jadi saya harus
melakukan apa saja yang bisa saya lakukan untuk bertahan hidup sendiri.
Siklus ganas sebagai seorang pelacur dan penari eksotik di California selatan bertahan
selama delapan tahun. Selama bekerja sebagai pelacur, saya hamil tiga kali dari
pelanggan dan hal itu menghancurkan saya. Jutaan pertanyaan muncul dalam pikiran
saya setiap kali. Bagaimana saya membiarkan hal ini terjadi? Bagaimana saya akan
merawat bayi ini? Haruskah saya aborsi? Kemana saya harus mencari bantuan? Saya
bahkan tidak tahu siapa ayah-ayah dari dua kehamilan. Kemudian saya mengingat
Yesus dan saya meminta-Nya, “Tolong saya”. Tuhan menghibur saya dan saya tahu
saya tidak bisa membunuh dan akhirnya saya menjaga bayi saya. Dua dari kehamilan itu
gugur karena tidak terawat, tapi salah satunya berhasil dan saya punya putri pertama
saya, Tiffany, di usia saya yang ke-20. Tiffany memiliki darah Asia dan sangatlah
cantik. Saya mencoba kembali untuk hanya melakukan tari eksotik, tapi pelacuran terus
menghantui saya dan godaannya sulit untuk ditolak, apalagi untuk seorang orang tua
tunggal.
Setelah beberapa tahun membesarkan anak seorang diri dan bekerja sebagai seorang
pelacur dan penari, saya mulai minum alkohol secara berlebihan dan mulai bergantung
pada alkohol dan narkotika. Tiffany tumbuh sebagai seorang gadis kecil yang sedih, dan
kepolosannya terkadang dinodai. Ketika dia tumbuh semakin besar, dia sadar akan
keberadaan pria-pria aneh yang “mengunjungi” saya dan memarahi saya. Saya
memaksanya bersembunyi di kamarnya sementara saya “menghibur” pelanggan. Dia
juga melihat saya dengan hubungan yang “aneh” dengan wanita-wanita. Dia tidak
benar-benar mengerti semua itu, tapi jelas dia tahu bahwa dia hidup dengan seorang
perempuan liar yang cabul. Ketika itu saya merupakan seorang ibu yang buruk, saya
biasa memberinya pager dan menyuruhnya pergi ke taman sementara saya melacur.
Umurnya baru empat tahun.
Saya mulai melihat diri saya sendiri sebagai sebuah kegagalan total. Saya kehilangan
semua harga diri dan membenci diri saya sendiri sebagai seorang ibu yang buruk. Saya
sangat lelah selalu mencoba untuk bertahan hidup. Tidak pernah ada istirahat dari gaya
hidup itu. Pria-pria mengikuti saya pulang, menyayat ban mobil saya, menelepon saya
setiap saat, datang mabuk di tengah malam, dan bahkan mencoba membunuh saya.
Untuk bisa berfungsi, saya selalu bergantung pada sebotol besar Jack Daniels di tangan.
Kadang saya akan duduk di sudut dengan botol saya dan dalam keadaan mabuk total
menangis pada Yesus, “Saya mohon, tolong saya!”, tapi sepertinya Dia tidak ada di
sana. Entah mengapa saya selalu merasa ada “perlindungan” aneh di sekeliling saya.
Seiring dengan perjalanan menyakitkan saya berlanjut, saya mulai terlibat dalam
industri film porno. Saya pikir saya bisa mendapat uang yang mudah dan cepat, juga
film porno terlihat lebih aman dan legal dibanding pelacuran. Banyak pelacur yang saya
kenal diperkosa dan dikirim ke penjara, dan saya tidak mau hal itu terjadi pada saya.
Juga dalam waktu itu, saya benar-benar seorang pecandu berat alkohol dan narkotika
dan tidak mampu mengambil keputusan yang rasional.
Ketika saya membuat film porno saya yang pertama, sesuatu yang sangat “gelap”
datang pada saya. Saya hampir bisa mendengar iblis berkata, “Lihat Shelley, aku akan
membuat kamu terkenal dan KEMUDIAN semua orang akan mencintai kamu.” Sebuah
kekuatan aneh yang sangat besar membuat saya mampu berhubungan seks dengan
penuh semangat, hanya untuk kemudian ‘jatuh dari ketinggian’ dan hancur, merasa
dipermalukan dan dilecehkan. Saya menyukai perhatiannya, tapi membenci diri saya
sendiri dalam saat yang sama. Saya suka mendengar betapa hebatnya saya ‘tampil’, tapi
saya juga benci seks yang begitu brutal. Saya mulai membintangi film-film seks yang
lebih brutal, dan hanya dengan menggunakan lebih banyak alkohol dan narkotika saya
berhasil melakukannya. Saya merasa seperti saya harus membuktikan sesuatu pada
dunia dan semua orang yang pernah menyakiti saya. Dan ketika industri pornografi
membuka lengan besar mereka dan mengundang saya ke dalam sebuah “keluarga”,
akhirnya saya merasa diterima. Tapi harga yang saya bayar untuk “keanggotaan”
keluarga itu adalah hidup saya sendiri. Saya menjual apa yang tersisa dari hati, pikiran,
dan femininitas saya pada industri pornografi, dan wanita dan sisi manusia dari saya
mati sepenuhnya dalam studio pornografi.
Saya juga berisiko terinfeksi vírus AIDS seperti bintang porno lainnya. Saya bermainmain
dan mempertaruhkan hidup saya dalam bahaya. Industri pornografi tidak dan
TIDAK AKAN PERNAH mendukung penggunaan kontrasepsi dalam film-filmnya, jadi
penyakit menular seksual dan HIV sejak dulu masih merupakan resiko antara artis dan
actor film porno. Bulan Mei 2004, Lembaga Medis Industri Pornografi (Adult Industry
Medical Foundation - AIM), yang menawarkan tes sukarela bulanan untuk bintang
porno bagi HIV, mengumumkan bahwa lima “aktor” pornografi telah diperiksa positif
atas virus AIDS. Saya lebih beruntung dari aktor-aktor itu. Tuhan tidak mengijinkan
HIV menjamah saya. Bagaimanapun, saya terjangkit herpes, penyakit menular seksual
lainnya yang tidak dapat disembuhkan. Saya ingin bunuh diri. Waktu saya mendapat
herpes, tidak ada yang menolong saya. Tapi sejak AIM terjun ke lapangan, organisasi
ini mengklaim telah menurunkan beberapa penyebaran HIV di industri pornografi dan
meningkatkan kewaspadaan di antara para pelaku film. Tapi kebenaran itu tetap tinggal,
aktor porno terus membahayakan hidup mereka dan menyebarkan penyakir. Dalam
sebuah wawancara dari Court TV dengan penemu AIM, Sharon Mitchell, juga seorang
mantan artis porno, mengakui bahwa di antara aktor porno dewasa ini terdapat “7%
HIV, dan 12-28% penyakit menular seksual. Herpes selalu berada di sekitar 66%.
Mereka diobati dengan acyclovir untuk herpes, yang sangat efektif untuk mencegah
penularan herpes. Chlamydia dan gonorrhea, akan tetapi, seperti hepatitis, sepertinya
menempel pada segala sesuatu mulai dari dildo ke permukaan rata sampai tangan, jadi
biasanya kami sudah habis akal menangani Chlamydia.” Itu merupakan kata-katanya
sendiri dan wawancaranya dapat ditemukan di
http://www.courttv.com/talk/chat_transcripts/2001/0723mitchell.html
Tidak ada yang lebih menghancurkan dari menerima hasil positif untuk sebuah
penyakit menular seksual yang tidak dapat disembuhkan. Waktu itu aku ingin
mengakhiri hidupku.
Saya menelan banyak pil-pil berharap saya overdosis, dan mengiris pergelangan tangan
saya, tapi tampaknya apapun yang saya lakukan, saya tidak bisa mati. Rasa sakit itu
benar-benar membanjiri, dan suasana hati saya benar-benar tidak stabil. Satu menit saya
berjalan seperti mayat hidup dan menit berikutnya saya marah besar, berteriak dan
memecahkan barang-barang. Saya marah terhadap Tuhan, membenci diri saya sendiri
dan orang tua saya. Hanya alkohol dan narkotika dapat meringankan rasa sakit saya.
Saya memanggil Yesus untuk menolong saya dan mencoba meninggalkan pola hidup
saya yang berantakan, tapi tidak sampai seminggu saya sudah kembali lagi. Saya
kehilangan semua harapan dan membenci hidup saya. Saya benar-benar tanpa harapan,
dan hidup benar-benar tanpa arti. Setelah terinfeksi dengan herpes, perlahan-lahan saya
meninggalkan industri pornografi tapi kembali melacur untuk tetap hidup.
Tahun 1994 saya bertemu seorang pria bernama Garrett. Seorang pria berusia 22 tahun
dan begitu polos dibandingkan dengan saya. Saya memberitahunya ia harus membayar
untuk mengencani saya. Ia berpura-pura membutuhkan “pelayanan” saya untuk sebuah
pesta bujangan jadi saya memberinya kartu nama. Ia sering menelpon saya tapi saya
terus berkata tidak. Saya tidak mampu memulai hubungan normal karena hati saya
benar-benar hitam dan dingin terhadap semua laki-laki. Namun kemudian, karena
alasan-alasan Tuhan, saya mengubah pikiranku dan pergi bersamanya. Dengan cepat
kami menjadi sahabat. Ketika saya menghabiskan waktu bersama-sama, hati saya yang
hitam dan terluka mulai bisa merasakan lagi. Saya ingat benar-benar merasakan rasa
sakit secara fisik di hati saya ketika Garrett mencoba mendekati saya. (Lihat akhir film
kartun Grinch ketika hatinya mulai tumbuh, dan seperti itulah saya.)
Saya mencoba menjaga hubungan kami tetap jauh, tapi sulit karena Garrett membuat
saya merasa seperti gadis kecil lagi. Dia akan datang ke rumah dan kami akan merokok
ganja bersama dan bermain catur dan kartu selama berjam-jam. Waktu itu kami seperti
dua anak kecil sedang bersenang-senang. Saya tidak pernah merasa “senang” sejak
masa kecil saya. Garrett dan saya bisa membicarakan apa saja, dan satu hari kami
membicarakan Yesus. Kami berdua tumbuh sebagai anak-anak yang mengasihi dan
mengenal Yesus Kristus. Saya belajar bahwa Garrett tumbuh di sebuah keluarga Kristen
dan dibesarkan dididik di sekolah Kristen. Untuk dua orang yang bertemu di bar, ini
adalah sebuah “kebetulan” yang luar biasa. Saya membuka hati tentang trauma yang
saya alami, dan ia mendengarkan dan ada bagi saya. Ia tahu saya pernah terlibat dalam
industri pornografi dan pelacuran, tapi dia benar-benar bersedih bagi saya. Ia berkata ia
mau menyelamatkan saya. Saya tidak pernah bertemu pria seperti Garrett. Ia melihat
sesuatu dalam diri saya yang tidak dilihat orang lain. Ia seorang sahabat bagi pelacur,
seperti Yesus. Kami tahu Tuhan sedang bekerja dalam hidup kami, jadi kami kembali
kepada Yesus dan menikah tanggal 14 Februari 1995.
Hidup baru kami dimulai sebagai kekacauan besar. Garrett kehilangan pekerjaannya
setelah kami menikah karena ia tertangkap basah menggunakan narkotika di tempat
kerja. Kami harus pergi ke departemen sosial dan menerima bantuan finansial. Semua
menjadi semakin buruk dan godaan untuk saya kembali ke gaya hidup yang lama benarbenar
menggoyahkan. Tapi Tuhan punya ide yang lebih baik. Garrett bergabung dengan
angkatan bersenjata.
Setelah pelatihan dasar, Garrett kembali sebagai pria yang baru, bebas dari
ketergantungan narkotika dan akan dipromosikan ke basis militer Fort Lewis di Negara
bagian Washington. Saya hamil dan melahirkan Teresa di tahun 1997. Saya bisa lepas
dari alkohol selama hamil tapi segera kembali setelahnya.
Setiap kali saya menggendong bayi baru saya, saya teringat kembali betapa tertolaknya
saya oleh orang tua saya dan semua pria dan wanita yang telah melecehkan saya. Tuhan
membangkitkan memori itu agar Ia dapat menyembuhkan saya, tapi bagi saya rasa sakit
itu tidak tertahankan. Akhirnya saya lari kembali ke alkohol. Tapi rasa sakit itu menjadi
semakin buruk sehingga saya pergi mencari pertolongan ke klinik kesehatan mental
militer dan di-diagnosis mengidap bipolar disorder, kesalahan pada pengaturan detak
jantung, ketergantungan alkohol, depresi, dan stress pos-traumatik. Saya diberikan
zoloft, pil tidur, lithium dan waktu konseling. Saya diberikan video untuk melatih saya
mengontrol kemarahan saya, yang malah membuat saya semakin marah ketika
menontonny! Saya sudah melalui program-program inti dari angkatan bersenjata tapi
tetap ketergantungan saya tidak hilang. Saya juga didiagnosis mengidap kanker tengkuk
yang harus segera dioperasi. Konsekuensi masa lalu saya mengejar-ngejar saya. Saya
ingin menyerah saja. Tidak ada yang berhasil!! Tapi Tuhan punya rencana yang lebih
baik.
Tuhan memimpin Garrett dan saya menghadiri sebuah gereja luar biasa bernama
Champions Centre di Tacoma, Washington di mana kami diajar menjalani hidup seperti
seorang pemenang. Gereja ini dikenal karena membangun hidup berkemenangan
melalui kebijaksanaan Firman Allah. Saya diajar untuk hidup dengan percaya, bahwa
saya dapat melalui APA SAJA karena dengan Tuhan TIADA YANG MUSTAHIL.
Bersama Tuhan, saya sudah diampuni total dari segala dosa saya dan diberi kesempatan
untuk bertumbuh menjadi seseorang yang baru tanpa harus menjadi sempurna dulu.
Benar-benar melegakan! Saya belajar bahwa Tuhan mengasihi saya tanpa syarat, tidak
peduli masa lalu saya, dan bahkan Ia punya rencana untuk masa depan saya. Tuhan
punya rencana untuk hidup saya? Saat itu saya merasa seolah-olah seseorang telah
menyalakan lampu di hidup saya yang selama ini gelap.
Di bulan November, 1999, saya melahirkan Abigail, dan meskipun saya minum alkohol
selama kehamilan saya, Tuhan membiarkannya hidup. Setelah ia lahir, Tuhan
AKHIRNYA menjawab doa-doaku dan mengangkat ketergantunganku terhadap
alcohol. Saya bersih tanggal 9 April 2000, dan itu adalah waktu yang sangat spesial bagi
hidup saya. Saya mulai lapar untuk mengenal Tuhan lebih lagi, dan giat belajar
bagaimana menjadi wanita yang “normal”. Saya mulai membaca buku tentang
bagaimana menjadi ibu dan istri yang baik, dan bagaimana memasak dan mengurus
rumah saya. Saya memperhatikan wanita-wanita lain bagaimana mereka mencuci
pakaian, bagaimana mereka berpakaian, dan bagaimana mereka berbicara terhadap
suami dan anak-anak mereka. Bertahun-tahun saya memasang telinga KEMANA SAJA.
Saya bisa berdiri di bagian penjualan daging di sebuah super market dan mendengarkan
ibu di dekat saya menjelaskan bagaimana membuat daging panggang, dan langsung
pulang ke rumah dan mencobanya! Sering saya berlama-lama di super market hanya
untuk belajar!! Harfiahnya, saya mungkin punya lebih dari 100 mentor yang saya
sendiri bahkan tidak tahu betapa mereka telah membantu saya. Saya harus mengulang
SEMUANYA dari nol dan belajar bagaimana menjadi seorang normal yang hidup di
lingkungan normal, jadi saya mengelilingi diri saya dengan orang-orang unggul untuk
belajar dari mereka.
Saya juga mempraktekkan prinsip-prinsip Allah dalam segala sesuatu yang saya
lakukan dan saya mulai merasakan sukacita sejati untuk pertama kali dalam 13 tahun
terakhir!! Tuhan juga membantu saya belajar mendesain web, membuat saya merasa
berhasil dan dapat menggunakan kreativitas saya. Saya sudah memiliki dan
mengoperasikan bisnis desain web saya selama 4 tahun. Saya juga mulai menghadiri
universitas, dan sekarang saya hampir menjadi seorang sarjana muda Teologia.
Karena saya memilih mengikuti Dia segenap hati, Dia memberkati segala sesuatu yang
saya sentuh tepat seperti yang dijanjikan-Nya dalam firman:
Yoh 13:17 Jikalau kamu tahu semua ini, maka berbahagialah kamu, jika
kamu melakukannya.
Setelah hari pertama saya melangkahkan kaki saya ke Champion center dengan hati
yang luka dan hidup yang berantakan, delapan tahun kemudian saya berjalan keluar
sebagai seorang wanita pemenang (champion) yang disembuhkan dan bersemangat akan
hidup saya! Tuhan secara total melepaskan saya dari narkotika, alkohol, memori yang
sakit, penyakit mental, kecanduan seks, trauma seksual, dan rasa bersalah dan rasa malu
dari masa lalu saya. Tuhan mengambil saya keluar dari hidup saya yang lama,
menawarkan sebuah hidup baru, dan meskipun pada awalnya saya tidak bisa
melihatnya, saya menyerahkan hidup saya dan mempercayai-Nya. Itu adalah keputusan
terbaik yang pernah saya ambil!
Tuhan juga memulihkan kewanitaan saya dan menyembuhkan seksualitas saya, yang
merupakan suatu mukjizat besar bagi saya. Setelah melacur dan terjun ke dalam dunia
pornografi, saya kehilangan fungsi saya secara seksual. Fakta bahwa saya dapat
menikmati hubungan intim yang sehat sekarang ini, nyata merupakan sebuah mukjizat.
Tuhan juga menyembuhkan saya dari penyakit herpes yang menurut manusia tidak
dapat disembuhkan. Waktu saya menjadi objek pembelajaran angkatan bersenjata untuk
wanita hamil yang menderita herpes pada tahun 1996, saya diperiksa dan mereka
berkata saya tidak bisa ikut dalam program itu, karena tidak ada virus herpes dalam
darah saya. Hasil tesnya negatif! Saya juga bebas dari kanker karena dokter-dokter
berhasil membuang semua kanker tengkuk saya. Dialah Jehovah-Rapha, Allah yang
menyembuhkan kita!
Tuhan juga menyembuhkan pernikahan kami dengan cara yang luar biasa. Garrett dan
saya memiliki hubungan cinta yang indah dan penuh warna! Baca cerita kami yang
LUAR BIASA di sini.
Tuhan telah melakukan lebih banyak mukjizat lagi di dalam keluarga saya sendiri.
Garrett memiliki pekerjaan yang hebat sehingga saya bisa tinggal di rumah, menjadi ibu
yang baik, juga melakukan pelayanan. Tiga putri-putri pemenang kami dibesarkan
dengan iman dan kasih terhadap Yesus Kristus, dan mereka menghadiri sekolah Kristen.
Tiffany, putri saya yang paling tua, yang sekarang berumur 18 tahun, telah mengampuni
saya dan memberi saya kesempatan menjadi ibu yang bijak baginya. Ia telah melewati
banyak hal dalam hidupnya dan sekarang membagikan kesaksiannya dengan banyak
orang untuk menginspirasi dan menguatkan mereka. Saya SANGAT bersyukur saya
tidak melakukan aborsi, karena Tiffany adalah seorang wanita yang cantik dan brilian
yang punya begitu banyak talenta dalam hidupnya. Ia sangat berbakat secara musikal
dan dapat memainkan beberapa instrumen. Tiffany juga merasa Tuhan memanggilnya
untuk menjangkau kaum muda yang terluka dan akan memimpin forum remaja di situs
ini. Kerinduannya adalah masuk universitas dan mengambil gelar dalam bidang
konseling, jadi ia dapat menggunakan pengalaman masa lalu dan pendidikannya untuk
menjangkau kaum muda di tengah kesulitan mereka.
Seperti Anda lihat, Bapa sudah bekerja begitu luar biasa dalam hidup saya dalam dua
belas tahun terakhir. Saya memang harus melewati delapan tahun pemulihan. Saya
harus membuat pilihan memulai kembali hidup saya dan percaya apa yang Tuhan
katakan pada saya, bukan kebohongan-kebohongan dari iblis atau kebohongan tentang
gambar diri saya yang sudah rusak. Tuhan menjadi Bapa sejati saya, dan Dia mengajar
saya bagaimana mengasihi, mengampuni, dan memiliki gambar diri saya di dalam Dia,
bukan masa lalu saya. Saya juga belajar bagimana memiliki hidup yang sukses dengan
mempraktekkan prinsip-prinsip Tuhan dalam segala sesuatu. Apapun yang Firman
Tuhan katakan, itu pasti bagi saya. Saya menjadi ciptaan yang baru dan kuat melalui
kuasa Yesus Kristus, Pemenang sejati yang sudah mengubah hidup saya!
Tuhan sekarang mengirim saya dengan sebuah pesan pada dunia betapa riil-nya kasih-
Nya yang luar biasa itu. Bagaimana Ia sudah menciptakan setiap kita serupa dengan
gambarnya, dan betapa kita begitu dikasihi dan diterima.
Bagaimana Ia mengirim Anak-Nya Yesus Kristus untuk membebaskan kita dari
narkotika, alkohol, keterikatan seksual, penolakan, dan semua kebohongan iblis. Saya
bangga menunjukkan pada dunia, bahwa YA, Tuhan mengambil seorang bintang porno
dan pelacur dan menjadikannya Pemenang. Tuhan adalah Bapa terbaik, dan Ia ingin
semua anak-anak-Nya menemukan jalan pulang kepada-Nya supaya Ia dapat
menyembuhkan mereka dan menjadikan mereka Pemenang-pemenang. Tapi pilihannya
ada di tangan ANDA.
Saya juga ingin semua orang tahu bahwa apapun yang Tuhan lakukan bagi saya, Ia akan
melakukannya bagi Anda. Dan Ia akan melakukan ini karena Ia MENGASIHI Anda dan
mengirimkan anak-Nya Yesus Kristus untuk memberimu hidup yang baru. Yang perlu
kita lakukan adalah datang pada Yesus dan belajar dari-Nya.
Mat 11:28 “Marilah kepada-Ku, semua yang letih lesu dan berbeban berat, Aku
akan memberi kelegaan kepadamu.”
Inginkan Anda memiliki ketenangan dalam jiwa Anda? Saya ingin. Dulu saya sakit dan
lelah diombang-ambingkan hidup. Saya lelah harus bertarung untuk hidup setiap hari.
Saya hanya ingin merasakan damai dan menemukan kasih sejati tapi dunia tidak bisa
memberi itu bagi saya. Saya sudah mencari kasih dalam laki-laki, benda material,
ketenaran dan kekayaan, dalam narkotika dan alcohol dan saya MASIH KOSONG.
Yang saya inginkan dulu hanyalah kehidupan yang normal. Sampai saya menemukan
kebenaran:
Yesus datang untuk memberimu hidup dalam segala kelimpahannya
(Yohanes 10:10).
Dan tentu saja, SAYA AKHIRNYA menemukan kehidupan yang selalu saya inginkan.
Mengapa Anda tidak menaruh kepercayaan Anda pada Tuhan dan Anak-Nya Yesus
Kristus, dan segera mengalami hidup berkelimpahan itu? Mungkin tidak akan terjadi
dalam satu-dua hari, tapi saya berjanji, itu PASTI terjadi. Saya tahu karena hal ini
terjadi bagi saya. Sayalah bukti hidup bahwa Tuhan itu ada, bahwa Ia mengasihi ANDA
tidak peduli apa yang sudah Anda lakukan, dan Ia punya rencana yang sempurna dan
tujuan bagi hidup Anda.
Klik di sini untuk mempelajari lebih lagi tentang Tuhan dan kasih-Nya yang luar biasa
untuk Anda.
Shelley, seorang sahabat yang mendukung anda.
Secara pribadi saya ingin mengucapkan “Terima Kasih” untuk begitu banyak orang
yang telah membantu pemulihan saya:
Pastor Kevin dan Sheila Gerald di www.championscentre.com – Untuk
mengajari saya kebijaksanaan dan menjadi seorang pemenang dalam hidup.
Dapatkan pengajaran mereka yang luar biasa di www.kgcmedia.com.
Patricia dan Argis Hulsey – Untuk mempercaya saya, mendukung saya, dan
kesempatan yang kalian berikan untuk mulai melayani di penjara. Mereka juga
dua orang tua “spiritual” terbaik yang dapat saya miliki.
Nuggie Lubben – Untuk sudah menjadi seorang ibu mertua yang luar biasa. Ia
mengajar saya bagaimana menjadi ibu yang hebat dan semuanya, mulai dari
mencuci pakaian, menyetrika, sampai berkebun! Terima kasih, Mama!
Kedua orang tuaku – Untuk mengasihi saya dan mengizinkan saya membagi
cerita “kita” dengan dunia. Terima kasih sudah mengampuni saya dan memberi
saya kesempatan kedua menjadi putri kalian. Saya mengasihi kalian, Mama dan
Papa!
Saudara laki-laki saya Chris – Untuk mengampuni saya dan memberi saya
kesempatan menjadi seorang saudara perempuan yang benar, yang selalu saya
rindukan. Kamu memiliki hati yang luar biasa dan roh yang indah. Saya ingin
terus bekerja denganmu dan sesama pekerja lainnya dalam Kerajaan Allah. Saya
mengasihimu Chris.
Saudara perempuan saya Stacy – Untuk mendoakan saya bahkan ketika saya
tidak layak menerimanya. Saya tahu waktu-waktu lalu tidaklah mudah. Saya
mengasihimu! Saya juga berdoa Tuhan akan terus memulihkan hubungan kita
menurut kehendak-Nya.
Nenekku yang berketurunan Italia, Nonnie – Yang mempercayai saya ketika
tidak ada seorangpun yang mempercayainya. Yang melihat emas dalam diri saya
bahkan ketika sinarnya tersembunyi. Ia berpesan ketika saya masih kecil bahwa
saya dapat melakukan apapun kalau saya sungguh-sungguh. Ia tidak akan pernah
tahu berapa kali ia sudah menyelamatkan hidup saya. Ia adalah seoarang
Pemenang sejati.
Putriku Tiffany – Untuk mengampuni saya dan mengizinkan saya bertumbuh
dan menjadi seorang ibu yang bijak baginya. Terima kasih untuk kesempatan
mengasihimu dan menjadi bagian dari hidupmu. Terima kasih untuk
menunjukkan kasih Kristus ketika Mama tidak punya siapa-siapa. Terima kasih
untuk tidak mengizinkan masa lalu mengikatmu tetapi memilih berlari sebagai
Pemenang. Mama sangat bangga terhadapmu, betapa hari ini kamu sudah
menjadi seoarang wanita yang luar biasa!
Dan terima kasih yang sangat istimewa untuk suamiku Garrett – Terima
kasih telah menjadi Hosea, Yesus, dan Abraham bagiku. Kepedulianmu
terhadap seorang pelacur hari ini berbuah, membangkitkan wanita terhormat
yang ada di dalamnya. Kamu beriman dan mempercayai Tuhan akan mengubah
situasi yang sulit. Kamu rendah hati, sabar, tahan menderita, dan lembut
terhadap wanita terluka yang memerlukan lingkungan yang aman untuk sembuh.
Kamu lebih dari pemenang. Aku bedoa aku terus dapat menjadi wanita
impianmu.