How Jazz-Parenting Saved This Ministry Family

by Mark Foreman

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When you write a new song for your family's life, sometimes you make it up as you go along.

Harry Chapin’s "Cat’s In the Cradle" became a theme song for our boomer-generation. Post World War II dads loved their families by working hard. Our fathers built secure moral boundaries, but left us with an aching vacuum inside.
We wanted to write a new song with our sons, Jon and Tim. But like jazz, we made it up as we went along.

The first chord change came as an epiphany: Love is spelled T-I-M-E.

Our fathers spelled love: W-O-R-K. But how does my child translate my presence or absence?
One morning, as Mark was having his dutiful quiet time, working 80 hours a week, he heard these words: "How will you feel if you win 5,000 people to the Lord and lose your own son?"
Our schedule betrayed what we loved most. So we made peace with our calendar, writing in The Non-negotiables. Mark cancelled his late meetings before dinner to wrestle with Jon and Tim. Wrestling became a tangible symbol of his heart: I'm here, on your level, hugging, able to be touched, ready to play.
We learned how to fill our son's love tanks by reading great stories, especially the Narnia series, building tree forts or cheering on soccer sidelines, applauding at recitals. Later, we added surfing, and listening to U2 and Led Zeppelin. And now, we continue to surf, share inspiring books, laugh at ourselves and drink good coffee.
We've discovered that simply enjoying our children is perhaps the best gift we could give to not only our sons, but to the world. A child who feels loved is free to express that love to others.

A second realization followed: As we enjoy our kids, they will grasp God's enjoyment of them.

When Jon was five, he misunderstood the phrase: "We have peace with God." Turning to a young friend, he announced, "We have pizza with God!"
I really like his interpretation better.
Spirituality pursues truth in relationships; it's not just a quest to be right. Truth allows everyone to come to the table. Simply memorizing right answers can lead to pride, or the fear of getting it wrong.

When you write a new song for your family's life, sometimes you make it up as you go along.

We encouraged Jon and Tim to ask big questions about the mystery of God. They, in turn, welcomed friends into our home with differing worldviews. The dialogue was lively and loving.
When younger, we celebrated Saturday mornings with Jesus Time. We had outrageous fun singing, dancing and acting out stories. It was sort of a wrestling time with God, in the best sense. God enjoys our kids, too.
No wonder Jon told his friend about the pizza.

A third inspiration may have come from Scripture: Children need creative space.

There was only one tree that was off limits in Eden. All the rest were available and inviting. We opened our home to become a conservatory for eager toddlers. Jon and Tim could play a kitchen drum-station, with pots and wooden spoons, then transition to an easel with paint, or build with blocks, and listen to a favorite record. They built couch castles and performed magic tricks.
We did not own a television. This was a radical shift from our own family cultures, where we ate our meals on TV trays, lined robotically before a flickering screen. Yes, we can hum a new tune. Because we are all artists in the image of the consummate Artist, we can be original.

Then came a fourth surprising decision: We must become an accelerator pedal instead of a brake.

Jan's first cell phone broadcast this innocuous message: "Be safe. Be courteous."
How easily that slogan can become ours as parents. Put simply, we want our kids to be good—not naughty, but nice. We become brakes.
But is aiming for protection really safe? We realized our most effective strategy was leaning into this fallen creation with the hope that our children could be agents of change. We push the accelerator.

When you write a new song for your family's life, sometimes you make it up as you go along.

We intentionally exposed our children to the common good: museums, plays, great literature, science and the arts. Through these experiences, Jon and Tim developed good taste, and became more discerning consumers of culture.
We kept our sons in public schools, whenever feasible, and encouraged friendships with kids who were wholesome, but not necessarily holy. We trusted them to talk about difficult issues, and tried to just listen without judgment. We made our home available, with free snacks.
Jon was born days before Halloween. Soon after birth, we cradled him through a costumed crowd of goblins, werewolves and witches for his first photos. We wanted desperately to shelter our innocent son from those hideous masks. In retrospect, we realize this was an illustration of his calling, to enter the dark corners of this world, and shine redemptive light. It is the calling of all God’s children.
We wanted our children to love all God’s world. Their mission, as God's kids, is to influence culture, not escape it. They have done a better job than we. Now they are writing their own unique songs. And we are singing along.  
Mark Foreman is a simple man who is learning to follow Jesus wholly. He is the husband of Jan and father of Jon and Tim of the band Switchfoot. He is the lead pastor of North Coast Calvary Chapel—a “church without walls”—which has built its reputation by erasing the barriers of the church.

More from Mark Foreman or visit Mark at whollyjesus.com/

3 Action Steps Toward Developing Student Leaders

by Doug Fields

 

I prefer for the adult leaders to minimize their role and allow the students to “step-up.”

I just returned from our third and final Student Leadership Conference, and I’m spending some time today debriefing all that we learned and what I’d like to see different for next year.
As I was doing this, I saw a tweet that my buddy Jonathan McKee wrote about some things I taught during our adult leaders’ meeting (prior to our opening session with student leaders). As always, Jonathan did a good job capturing the heart of what I shared.
Here’s the context: At our Student Leadership Conference, I prefer for the adult leaders to minimize their role and allow the students to “step-up.” To help them with this, I share three actions that adult leaders can do to help develop young leaders. Here are those three actions (as captured by Jonathan):

1. Your kids will often only absorb what you debrief. Don’t expect everything they just heard and experienced to sink in. Stimulate them to process it by debriefing with them. This doesn’t mean preach to them—chances are they already heard plenty of preaching at a conference. Debriefing is most successful when you ask questions. Ask them:

▪   What hit you the most in that talk?

▪   What is a way you can apply that this week, this month, this year?

▪   What did you learn from that exercise with the rest of the team?

▪   How can you apply that this week, this month, this year?

Use questions to help your kids process what they just learned, and help them think about how they can specifically take it home with them and live it out.
2. Affirm them constantly and specifically. Catch them doing something right:

▪   It was fun watching you work with the rest of the team on that project—you work really well with others.

▪   I loved your idea about how to make others feel welcome.

▪   You’re really good at …

Young people often hear more criticism than affirmation. Don’t neglect this unique opportunity to affirm them in their giftedness.
3. Get out of their way. Today’s parents and adult leaders often struggle with letting their kids solve problems on their own. We tend to swoop down and “save them.” In actuality, we’re hurting them.
One of the best ways to develop young leaders is to let them experience problem solving skills on their own. When we see them struggling … let them figure it out. It’s OK if they choke or fall. Those are often some of the greatest lessons learned. Then come alongside them afterward and debrief:

▪   What went wrong?

▪   What might have been a good way to fix it?

▪   What is a bad way to fix it?

▪   What did you learn from this situation?

Then affirm them in what you saw them do right, and if they didn’t figure out the answer on their own, offer a few humble suggestions and let them try it again. They’ll be more eager to listen to your counsel after they came up empty time and time again.

As you begin to move from summer thinking to fall planning, be thinking about these three questions:

1. “What is it that adults are doing in our ministry that teenagers could be doing?”

2. “Are we creating an environment where teens are sitting and being entertained, or are we creating environments where they can serve and lead?”

3. “When these teenagers graduate from our ministry, will they have had the opportunities to develop the skills to lead in a post-high school ministry setting? What opportunities are now available?”

If you’re not currently developing young leaders, I’d love to help you. In addition to our summer conferences, we’re putting together monthly resources for student leaders as part of our membership program.  

Doug Fields has been in youth ministry since 1979 and former pastor to students at Saddleback Church in Southern California. He's the author of 50+ books, including the best-selling Purpose-Driven Youth Ministry & Your First Two Years in Youth Ministry. He's also the founder of Simply Youth Ministry, an instructor at Azusa Pacific University/HomeWord, and on the leadership team with Youth Specialties. More from Doug Fields or visit/subscribe to Doug's blog at www.dougfields.com More from Doug Fields or visit Doug at www.dougfields.com

A Changed Life

A Changed Life

By Jeremy Reynalds
Senior Correspondent for ASSIST News Service

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (ANS) -- Diana Peterson-Lane was an addict. Then she found Joy Junction-and Jesus.

Diana Peterson-Lane

Today, seven drug free years later and with six years of employment, she is a different person.

If you’d asked Diana 10 years ago what lay ahead for her down the road you would have gotten a pretty vague response. Diana said she didn’t think she was worth any sort of future-good or bad.

She said, “It wasn't just because I couldn't shake my addiction. It was because ... I truly believed I was a nobody and a nothing, so why would I have any type of future.”
However, that has all changed during Diana’s time at Joy Junction. Shelter staff, she said, “saw something in me that I had no clue was there.”

As a result, Diana said, her future is bright. “No illness or hard times can make that view change. I have something for my children to be proud of, and to be able to tell their friends when they talk about their mom.”

RA- Rheumatoid Arthritis and a Righteous Attitude

Considering the pain caused by rheumatoid arthritis with which she has a constant battle, Diana’s energy and attitude are amazing.

Diana said, “I get asked things like, ‘Why aren't you on disability?’ and ‘How do you work all the time?’ I always have the same answer, ‘God.’”

Diana said if it wasn’t God’s will, then she wouldn’t be able to do her job or deal with everything she has to daily.

She said, “The days that the pain is so bad ... I remember I am blessed and that if I don't get up, I may never get up.”

While those times are rough for Diana, she said she likes to tell people that while she has “RA,” the “RA” she likes to focus on is a righteous attitude.

Diana said the way her life has evolved over the last few years is proof positive of God’s intervention in her life.

Working to Help and Inform Others

As a driver and volunteer coordinator for Joy Junction, Diana called what she does “the best jobs in the world.”

Diana’s driving position means she is the first contact for a number of our new shelter guests. She said she holds that dear, “because I was them not too long ago. It helps not only keeps me grounded and remind me where I came from, but lets me help make some of their fears fade away long before we even get back to property.”

One of Diana’s fellow drivers, Liz Boniface, complimented her. She said, “Diana is a hard worker, no matter what she may be going through. She's always ready with a kind word for all of us, even when in pain she always has a smile.”

On her two days a week as volunteer coordinator, Diana gets the opportunity to give people a tour of Joy Junction and help them understand what we’re all about.

She said, “We’re not just a homeless shelter but a place for people to heal. (I aim to) break down the walls of misunderstanding that the community may have of homelessness, and help show we are human beings just like them.”

Resident Services Manager Joel Steen said he also appreciates Diana. “ I see her trying to do what is best for Joy Junction, even when her medical condition makes it difficult for her. She also has a sense of humor, vital in our work. She genuinely cares about our residents.”

Reflecting on her time at Joy Junction, Diana said it has helped make her a productive, strong and loving person.

She continued, “How many people can say that they have a great support system at work and in their private life? Well, I can. With the things I have gone through with my family and my health I still stand tall, and I don't stand alone.”

Diana said she is proud of what God has allowed her to accomplish and thanks Him for all the blessings she's received.

“I know without Him and my family here at Joy Junction I would have lost it a very long time ago, but instead of falling into a very deep abyss, I prevail. ‘My peeps’ have helped me through some of my own trials with their prayers and daily smiles.”

Diana has also helped us through some of our trials by making us smile. Thanks Diana!

         

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Teaching Young Teens to Articulate Their Faith Stories

by Brooklyn Lindsey

 

The most effective way to affirm a teen's growth in Christ is to have them share their personal story.

One of our roles as youth leaders is to teach teenagers to abide and depend on Jesus each day. We want them to move from crisis care (reaching out to God only when they are in crisis) to community with God, having a relationship that deepens over time and stretches through both the ups and downs of their day.

I'm thrilled when I see teenagers growing in Christ. I see it. I affirm it. I encourage it. And our team does the same. They see it. They affirm it. They encourage it.

Sometimes we see, affirm and encourage in front of other teenagers when we tell their personal stories.

But the most effective way of sharing about their growth in Christ is when they share about their growth in Christ.

Somehow, I forget this too quickly and let the gift of "telling" slip through the cracks. When, in fact, it is one of our greatest evangelistic resources.

So, to get back on track, we're going to start having students tell their stories—how God became more than a name to them—in front of their peers each week.

There are three things I was taught to say when preparing a testimony:

• Before I met Christ
• When I met Christ
• My life since I met Christ

I think this is a good working framework, but for someone who is 11 years old, it may be a bit more difficult to articulate a "before" Christ life. "When I met Christ" can also pose problems to the teenager who has believed in Jesus since they were in preschool. They feel like they don't have a story to tell because there wasn't a crisis moment or event. And life since Christ, for some, isn't always the best. Even though their lives have completely changed from the inside out, their daily life circumstances may not have.

I'm not saying that this format is bad. I'm just saying it presents some problems as I think about young teenagers telling other young teenagers about their own lives with Christ.

In the past, I've done a life-mapping seminar at youth worker conventions, teaching youth workers how to deconstruct and understand their own development, and how to encourage their students to do the same. A part of this map is a timeline of events from birth to present. And on that timeline, I instruct them to draw a symbol during the time when God became more than a name for them.

I like marking life with Christ like this.
Even if a teenager has been in church and has believed in God and said the prayer of salvation, there is probably a moment in his or her life when God became more than lessons learned, but a person to be experienced, and it changed things for them.

I am working on a new set of questions—starting with these:

• When did God become more than a name for you? Describe that moment when you met Jesus.
• How has your life changed or developed since that moment or experience?
• What keeps you growing in God? Name some things that help you grow in your faith.
• Who encourages you as you follow Christ? 
• What is a hope or dream that you have given to God?
• What would you say to your friends about what it's like to know Jesus?

What questions would you add? Developmentally, are there questions that need to be changed to fit?   

Brooklyn has authored numerous books and projects, including Confessions of a Not-So-Supermodel, Opposite Day, Sacred Life, Devo2Go, and The Kingdom Experiment: Youth Edition. She is a pastor and speaker who loves teens, teaching from the Bible, and leading people to live in response to God’s love. Brooklyn, while named after a city in New York, lives in the sunshine state with her husband, Coy, and their super sweet girls, Kirra and Mya.

10 Ways to Help Young People Pursue Dreams

by Tony Morgan

Tony Morgan's life-tested tips to Millennials on how to experience their future dreams.

I’ve had several conversations in recent weeks with young adults either in school or in the early days of their careers. They’ve been looking for advice from me. I guess they perceive I’ve had some success. And they obviously think I have experience. (That’s a kind way of acknowledging that I’m getting old.)
Here are some quick thoughts that might help you if you’re on the front end of your journey in life.
If I could sit down with Millennials, this is what I’d share. These are some of the basic steps that allowed me to pursue my dreams. Here are …
10 Simple Practices to Help You Experience Your Future Dreams

1. Get responsible while you’re still at home.

Don’t rely on mommy and daddy to bail you out. Don’t let them try to get you out of a bad grade. That’s your challenge. Own your schedule. Own your priorities. Own your financial responsibilities. They may help, but the goal is for you to leave home knowing how to navigate life without mommy and daddy having to step in if there’s a problem.

2. Get a job while you’re in high school.

Any job. You need to learn how to show up on time, make a boss happy and work hard to earn a paycheck … even if you don’t enjoy the job. That’s life. No matter what you will do later, you need to learn how real people work real jobs in the real world.

3. Get a degree, but don’t leave with a lot of debt.

No one owes you an education at an out-of-state school. Even if the government makes it easy for you to borrow all the money you need, go where it’s cheaper. Apply for as many scholarships as you can. Work your way through school. Too much debt will prevent you from pursuing your dreams.

4. Get an internship while you’re in college.

Don’t settle for working at McDonald’s unless you eventually want to own a McDonald’s. In the real world, what distinguishes one candidate from another is quality experience.
Get experience doing what you hope to do in the future. Don’t wait for the internships to come to you. Go out and create them … even if you have to volunteer.

5. Get a real job when you graduate.

It’s highly unlikely that your first job after graduation will be your dream job. But your first job can prepare you to work with and influence your peers and your boss. It can help you begin to process conflict. It will help you learn what you enjoy doing, where you’re skilled and what someone will pay you to do.

6. Get married to someone who shares your values and dreams.

You need a teammate. You need a close friend. You need to help them fulfill their dreams, and you need someone who will help you pursue your purpose. You can’t do that if you marry someone who doesn’t share your core values for life.

7. Get a savings account instead of a car.

If you want to pursue your dream, you can do that in a 10-year-old car. You can’t pursue your dream if you don’t have a savings account.
That savings gives you the freedom to take calculated risks to pursue your dreams while still providing financially for you and your family.

8. Get off your phone and into action.

Just because you “like” something on Facebook or “retweet” something on Twitter doesn’t mean you’re a champion of the cause. Instead, you need to give your time and money. Make a real investment. (And, by the way, be careful what you post on Facebook and Twitter. Employers look there first.)

9. Get a mentor.

But don’t ask anyone to be your mentor. They’ll probably say no. Instead, read everything they’ve written. Listen to what they have to say. Watch how they live their lives. Email them pointed questions, and they may respond. You need their wisdom and experience more than you need their time. (If you also get their time, that’s a bonus.)

10. Get disciplined about doing the next right thing right now.

If you want to experience your dream, you need to begin taking the next right step right now. That’s where integrity is built. That’s where you learn to persevere. That’s where people begin to believe in you. Be faithful in the now, and you may just experience your dreams in the future. If you fail to take the next step with integrity, though, you may never experience your dreams.

Pretty basic stuff. If you want to know the nitty gritty personal details, I shared some of that in an article called “How to Get From Here to There” several years ago.

Of course, you don’t want to follow these exact steps. Your plan is different than my plan. I highly recommend, though, that you embrace these foundational principles.

And I hope you get to experience your dreams.

 Tony is the Chief Strategic Officer and founder of TonyMorganLive.com. He’s a consultant, leadership coach and writer who helps churches get unstuck and have a bigger impact. He's the author of the leadership book Killing Cockroaches and his latest eBooks on leadership and ministry strategies are now available on Kindle.
More from Tony Morgan or visit Tony at www.tonymorganlive.com

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