5 Ways to Deal With Bullying Parents

By Trisha Peach

How to handle the parents who want to argue and abuse.

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Last week, I talked to a public school teacher who mentioned to me that her dinner meeting with a friend had been cancelled the night before. I asked why. Well, according to her, her teacher friend had been having repeated problems with a little girl kicking other students, slapping them and threatening them. After repeated warnings and consequences, the behavior happened again, only worse. This teacher followed policy and sent the child to detention, to hopefully deescalate the situation and to protect the other children. But then the parents showed up at the school office at 3 p.m. with their team of attorneys. Her friend, and several of the other staff, were forced to stay as the whole situation blew up.
You may have seen several news programs lately on the problem of parents bullying teachers. As the saying goes, the parents used to hold the child responsible for their behavior and grades—today the teacher often takes the blame for a child’s behavior and grades. The article “Teachers face a storm of bullying—by the children’s parents” had me concerned and shaking my head.
Among other things, the article states: “40 percent of teachers quit in their first year, because of the excessive workload and the harsh realities of life in the classroom.” That’s four out of every 10 new teachers quitting after the first year! The article also states this frightening fact: “40 percent of teachers reported abuse from parents in the past year, compared with 27 percent in 2014.” The problem is clearly growing worse.
And how does this affect the church and those of us who work in ministry to children and families? Like in many cases, what is affecting the schools is affecting the church. Many children’s pastors have reported having parents shouting at them publicly, threatening them, teasing them, name calling etc. over lost books, a prize, behavior issues and so forth. I have seen it happen myself. For example, I rounded the corner on a Wednesday night to see a dad shouting at an AWANA leader for going five minutes over time. The AWANA leader handled the situation well, but it was embarrassing to be called names in a crowded church hallway. I intervened and tried to calm the situation, and pull the parent’s attention to me and to a less public area. This has happened in the past when we have enforced new policies, changed classroom locations or changed service times, for example.
So how can the church respond to the growing problem of parents bullying those who serve their children? Here are a few ideas that I have discovered from our staff and from other churches who have handled this well:

1. Realize that we are called to minister to broken people—broken families, and hurting parents.

Many are facing the fallout of tragedy, divorce, loss, mental illness, violence, stress and more. If we are going to err, let us err on the side of grace. This is one more reason why the church MUST disciple parents and families, educating them as to what family was first meant to be. Families need help, encouragement and support. Many are struggling.

2. Our culture explicitly and implicitly seems to teach us that the “GOOD” parents are the ones who “get in there and fight for their kids.”

Some parents are trying to fight for their kids, but they don’t know how, and/or they are fighting the wrong battles, fighting against the wrong people. Try your best to tear down those walls and partner WITH the parents. When a parent seems to be trying to start a battle, do not engage head on; do your best to try to diffuse the situation.

3. Several churches have begun reaching out to the public school teachers with baskets of school supplies, prayer days for teachers, gift cards, cards of encouragement and more.

This has made a huge impact in communities. Do not assume that the schools and the teachers do not want any help or input from you. Where others may have burned bridges, you can make inroads to minister, simply by serving and loving.

4. You can eliminate a lot of problems by clearly posting your rules policies in every classroom.

Communicate those policies every chance you get. This can help parents understand expectations, and it helps YOU not look like you are singling out one child.

5. Always remember and tell your volunteers: “You do not deserve to be verbally abused or threatened.”

If you see that happening you must intervene right away, and let your church leadership know what is happening. Confront the situation lovingly, in private, with a witness—preferably your lead pastor. But make it clear that you are making church a “safe place” where name calling and yelling are not going to be tolerated. Keep working for and modeling a better way.
What about you? Have you or your volunteers encountered incidences of parent bullying? How did you respond? What advice would you give to kids workers encountering this problem?

Free Youth Lesson Package: “Jesus and Stuff”

Help students embrace a Christ-centered attitude toward their stuff.

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From YM360, “Our culture puts a tremendous value on having stuff. And not just on having stuff, but being emotionally attached to our stuff. This message is played out in so many different aspects of our lives. We’re told a certain car will make us happy. A certain brand will make us cool. A certain gadget will make us fulfilled. And so many of us buy into these messages wholeheartedly. Especially our teenagers. Good thing Jesus had a lot to say about this.”
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How Do Today’s Teens Compare to Previous Generations?

By Jonathan McKee

Unpacking some numbers and trends.

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Would you guess today’s young people are drinking more or less alcohol than you when you were a teenager?
What about drugs? More or less?
Sex?
Smoking?
Last week Vox.com released an article with a title saying, “Today’s teens have babies less than you did.” Then the words “have babies” scroll off the screen and are replaced by the word “fight.” Then “drink.” Then “use meth.”
The article goes on to compare the results of the CDC Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey over the last several decades. It even allows you to select the year you were born (if after 1972) and compare your teen years to today.
The question I have to ask is, “Are they right?”
No, I’m not questioning the integrity of the CDC study. In fact, when the most recent survey was released (they release it every two years), I went through some of those numbers with you in detail.
The CDC report is good. It’s the interpretation or “spin” of the report you have to always carefully consider.
Years ago when headlines claimed sexual activity was down in the last decade, I took you on a tour of what those numbers actually revealed. The reality is, teen sex has not dropped in the last decade. If you don’t feel like reading my whole breakdown, the short of it is this: More kids were having sex in the ’80s and ’90s, then it dropped about 8 percent by the turn of the millennium, and has stayed pretty level since. In fact, the CDC’s reports actually say, and I quote, “These levels of sexual experience have not changed significantly from 2002.” (I broke down all the numbers in detail here in our Youth Culture Window article back then.)
So what should have the headlines read?
Again, it depends what vice we want to talk about. Binge drinking is down. Smoking is way down. But even the Vox.com report admits, trying marijuana is way up, about 10 percent. And sex? It’s down since 1991…but really hasn’t moved much in the last 14 years…among TEENS.
That’s where this gets a little more interesting. So far we’ve just been talking about teens. If we look at college kids/young adults, we get a different picture. In fact, casual sex is more common with this college-age group than years past. Mandy Stadtmiller described it well in the title of her Mashable.com article, How long until sex? For millenials, try 10 texts or less. She cites an interesting SDSU study revealing a huge generational shift in attitudes about sex, with acceptance of premarital sex increasing from 42 percent in 2000 to 58 percent in 2012 (and acceptance of same-sex relationship more than tripled). In fact, Millenials are 13 percent more likely to hook up (casual sex) than Xrs were, but with fewer partners. In fact, “sex with aquaintances in the last year” jumped over 10 percent as well in the last decade. In a world where 59 percent of young adults (ages 20-26) have sent a sexual text message, I guess this isn’t surprising.
So read the numbers carefully. When you read the Vox.com article linked above claiming today’s teenagers are watching less television…read the fine print. Because today’s teenagers are staring at screens far more than ever before, but now that includes Netflix and Hulu on their small screens…which, yes…officially isn’t television. (Nice spin, eh?)
Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not one of those doom and gloom guys who thinks today’s teenagers are all going to hell on a bicycle. In fact, I liked this Vox.com article because it shined a light on some areas where our culture has really made some strides (smoking, binge drinking, teen pregnancy…). I just want to make sure we don’t paint an unrealistic picture. We still have a lot of ground to gain, especially teaching young people sex matters.
So keep up the good work being advocates of truth, and be aware how the media spins things. 

6 Christians Miraculously Escape Terrorists in Afghanistan

by The Voice of the Martyrs on Tuesday, March 22, 2016 at 02:53 PM

About the Image: In northern Iraq, radical Muslims (ISIS) spray-painted the Arabic letter "N" on homes and businesses of Christians. The property owners were publicly identified as Christ-followers and given a choice to convert to Islam, leave or die. The courageous believers refused to deny their faith. More than 100,000 fled with little more than the clothes on their backs.

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The location was Afghanistan and the time was 5:00 a.m. Inside an apartment, a handful of bearded men, heads wrapped in white or beige turbans, sat in a circle as if gathered around a campfire.
What drew them together? God’s Word. Positioned on the floor in the middle of their circle, like the hub of a wheel, were hand-sketched illustrations of Bible stories. Nearby, a turquoise pitcher of water and matching basin had been prepared for foot washing.
This was a Bible study.
In a tone just above a whisper, Farid, the group leader, prayed, “We thank you, God, for your willingness to meet with us this morning. We thank you for your presence here among us.”

A Knock at the Door 

Farid had just introduced the book of Acts when someone pounded on the door. Before anyone could react, dark-clothed intruders burst in brandishing rifles and knives. Farid was slammed to the floor. His hands were tied behind his back and a knife was placed just inches from his neck. None of the six men resisted.
Amid the panic and confusion came clarity in prayer. “God,” Farid prayed, “if this is the time for me to die, I forgive these people who want to kill me.”
Farid believed it was an honor to die for God’s glory. If he died, he didn’t want the intruders’ blood on his hands. “I wanted God to forgive them, and I wanted them to come to Christ as a result of my death,” he later said.

God Provides a Miracle

He closed his eyes, waiting for the prick of intense pain and the end. When nothing happened, he sensed God wanting him to stand up and leave the room. So he stood. His hands were no longer tied. The straps simply fell to the floor. He walked toward the door, which was guarded by two armed men.
“Sit down, dog,” one commanded. “You’re not leaving alive.”
The other pointed his AK-47 rifle at Farid and squeezed the trigger.
Click. Nothing. The rifle had jammed.
Click. Again.
The rifle’s failure to fire diverted both guards’ attention, and Farid fled. As he raced down the stairs three or four steps at a time, he heard gunfire. He saw bullets chip the wall beyond him, but he escaped unharmed.

Another Reason to Rejoice

The story of his escape is even more amazing in light of the fact that none of his five companions were injured. Only the leader of the terrorist group was accidentally shot. Inside a bag, police found an Al-Qaeda flag, two swords and a video camera.
According to police, the terrorists had planned to videotape the beheading of all six men and show it on the Al Jazeera television network. Evidently, the attackers knew Farid was winning Afghan Muslims to Christ. The videotape would warn missionaries, evangelists and former Muslims that they would be killed if they didn’t stop their evangelism and discipleship.
What terrorists wanted to accomplish that morning did not happen. Heads did not roll. Blood was not spilled. The only casualty was one of their own, even though none of the six Christians resisted with force.
Instead, followers of Jesus experienced yet another reason to rejoice in the awesome power of their sovereign God. No wonder the apostle Paul rejoiced in his suffering and wrote of his desire to “know him [Jesus] and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death” (Philippians 3:10).
Excerpted from I Am N by from The Voice of the Martyrs. Copyright 2016. David C. Cook. Used by permission.

From Rehab to Redemption: The True Story of Lecrae Moore

by Lecrae Moore on Thursday, March 17, 2016 at 05:19 PM

Award-winning hip hop artist, Lecrae, talks about a turning point in his life with an excerpt from his memoir, "Unashamed."

My days in rehab cycled between group counseling and isolation.
Being with a group was almost an out-of-body experience. I went into observer mode, and remained mostly quiet. You didn’t have to share unless you wanted to, but even if they had made me, I wouldn’t have known what to say. The thought running through my mind was, I’m not like these people.
They were all seriously messed up.
In my first session, I remember sitting across from someone who drank a gallon of whiskey a day and a girl who was strung out on drugs because her father kept raping her. Listening to them tell their stories, I realized that I was the only one in the facility who was a college student. The only one who had been given a range of opportunities to break the cycle and succeed.
But I squandered all of them.

Alone in a Room with a Gideon Bible

When I wasn’t in group counseling, I was stuck in the solitude of my room. Being forced to sit in an empty room, cut off from the world, was awful. But it turned out to be exactly what I needed. For the first time in my life, I was able to process everything I’d experienced without distractions or peer pressure. I didn’t have to live up to anyone else’s standard in that room. I could just think.
There was only one item in my room to keep me busy. I noticed a small book sitting on top of the desk. Leather-bound and familiar, it was a Gideon Bible—like you’ll often find in hotel rooms.
I picked it up and turned to the Book of Romans. I started reading and couldn’t stop. Chapter after chapter, it was like the words had been written for me:

“Including yourselves who also belong to Jesus Christ by calling” (Romans 1:6).
“For though they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God or show gratitude” (Romans 1:21).
“Claiming to be wise, they became fools” (Romans 1:22).
“But wrath and indignation to those who are self-seeking and disobey the truth but are obeying unrighteousness; affliction and distress for every human being who does evil” (Romans 2:8-9). 

I kept reading because it was really speaking to me. And then I came to the sixth chapter:

“So what fruit was produced then from the things you are now ashamed of? For the end of those things is death. But now, since you have been liberated from sin and have become enslaved to God, you have your fruit, which results in sanctification—and the end is eternal life! For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:21-23). 

Lecrae: "It was like a blindfold fell off my eyes."

I’d been celebrating things I should have been ashamed of, and I had been ashamed of what I should have been celebrating. I had been set free, but I was still living like a slave to my old life and old habits and old ways. I’d been liberated from slavery, but slavery had not been liberated from me.
I saw Jesus as my Savior, but not my Lord.
I thought that because God had given me grace, I could just do whatever I wanted. But doing whatever I pleased was only going to bring death.
Surrendering to God was the key to receiving life.
I walked back to the door and knocked until an attendant came. They mentioned during check-in that one of the few things you were allowed to do in your room was draw. So I asked for paper and something to write with. Since a pencil or pen was a potential danger to patients, they offered me a crayon. I had been going hard for months, but rehab gave me hours to sit alone with God. With a Bible in one hand and a crayon in the other, I began reading the Word and writing down everything God was saying. And He was teaching me mind-blowing things that no one else had ever told me.
When I decided to follow Jesus that night in rehab, I assumed that becoming a Christian would make life easier. I thought the rest of my life would be smiling and smooth sailing. I assumed women, partying, acceptance and all the things that I’d been a slave to for so many years wouldn’t tempt me. I thought I would walk around with a continual inner peace and serenity like Gandhi or something.
This turns out to be a lie that too many people believe.

The Truth About Being a Christian

You’ll actually experience more temptation, not less, after you become a Christian.
Following Jesus doesn’t mean you’ll start living perfectly overnight. It certainly doesn’t mean that your problems will disappear. Rather than ridding you of problems or temptations, following Jesus just means that you have a place—no, a Person—to run to when the problems come. And the power to overcome them.
I wish someone had told me this after that night, because when I started stumbling and faltering after I became a Christian, I hid my struggles. Why? Because I didn’t think it was supposed to go down like that, and because too many Christians I know lived by the same lie, and they condemned, shamed and rejected other Christians who messed up.
Since I thought I was supposed to be instantly sinless and my Christian friends did, too, I lived a double life. I acted like a Christian around other Christians, but I let loose whenever I wasn’t.

The Truth About the Bible

I can’t tell you where we got the idea that following Jesus is some kind of quick fix for all of our struggles, but it wasn’t from the Bible. No, Scripture is like one, big, unbroken story about people who decided to follow God and ended up failing almost as much as they succeeded.
After God told Abraham that he was going to have millions of kids, the old man literally laughed in God’s face. Jacob was a lying cheat before he met God at Bethel. And he was a lying cheat afterward, too. These are two of Israel’s greatest patriarchs.
Moses was a murderer, a doubter and an excuse-maker. He was chosen to lead God’s people out of slavery. David was “a man after God’s own heart.” But he was also an adulterer. His son, Solomon, was the wisest man who ever lived. But he had hundreds of wives. And Jesus’ disciples were all flawed in their own way. With such a long list of people who both followed God and stumbled constantly, why would we assume our experiences would be any different?
But somehow we do.

Continue Reading: From Rehab to Redemption (Part 2)
 

Excerpt taken from Unashamed by Lecrae Moore. Copyright B&H Publishing Group. May 2016.

What Is Your Student Ministry Known For?

By Josh Evans

Is your youth group known for what it ought to be known for?

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A few years ago, I attended a missions conference hosted by our church. I have been to many missions conferences over my years in church, but this one seemed to be unlike any other. I have even been to a lot of good mission conferences, but this one seemed to spark action and thought in my heart. It got me thinking about what I want to be known for, and what I would love for our student ministry to be known for. I want to share a few things that I came up.
1. Be known for the Gospel—I want the Gospel to be at the center of everything we do. Since Jesus is at the center of the Gospel, this would make Jesus at the center of our lives. When people look at our ministry, I want them to see the Gospel in what we do. It should be breathed out of our budget, our relationships, our services and our calendar of events. If we are not careful, our event calendar can scream INTERNAL, when we should be becoming EXTERNAL! Our inward life of growing in the Gospel should compel us to be outward with the Gospel to others.
2. Be known for discipleship—Proper evangelism (as mentioned in the first point) will be an outflow of effective discipleship. If someone is effectively discipled, they will share their faith with others, because that is an outflow of discipleship. Be intentional about this. Choose your leaders based on this. Also, you as the leader need to model this. Be discipled yourself. It is impossible to disciple others without being discipled yourself.
3. Be known for loving the needy—At our missions conference, the speaker told me that our church consists of mainly white middle class people. I began to think: Yes, that is accurate. So, does that mean our city (which we are called to reach) consists of only white middle class people? Of course not! Always remember that your church should reflect the community in which it lives. Be involved in meeting the needs of the needy. Look for ways to serve and use your resources. Get your church and student ministry involved in meeting the needs of the community.
4. Be known for love—Jesus says that love is the greatest thing. In fact, God is love. It is in His character, and at the core of who Jesus Christ is. Love should drive you as the leader. The reason you do what you do should be out of a love for God. Out of that love for God comes a love for others. Be known for your love. Do not be ugly to others, but try to resolve conflict in a loving way in your church, and overwhelm guests in a loving fashion. Love people you are supposed to hate. Love people who are unlovable. Love the ones who are (in the world’s standards) your enemies. Bottom line: Love people! Love ALL people.
5. Be known for community—A community is a group of people coming together. The church should be this. We should enjoy the company of one another. You need to be in a small group or a Bible fellowship class of some kind. We must pray for one another. We must encourage one another. The church should not be a place where we bicker and fight, but rather a place where we encourage and love. Anyone should be welcomed to come into our community regardless of anything. 

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