How to Kill Envy and Embrace Contentment

By Clarence Stowers • September 25, 2016

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“Envy is resenting God’s goodness in others’ lives and ignoring God’s goodness in your own life.”

Recent Stories

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  Ed Stetzer: “To thrive, I think there are at least five things we need to face the next 10 years.”
  
• How to Kill Envy and Embrace Contentment
  “Envy is resenting God’s goodness in others’ lives and ignoring God’s goodness in your own life.”
  
• You Might Be a Christian Consumerist If …
  “Major issues arise when we allow the values of consumerism to infect our pursuit of mission.”
  

You’ve seen them before.
It’s the person at your job everyone loves to hate. Everything always goes right for them. They get the promotion, have the biggest salary and the perfect family, and just returned from a two-week vacation.
Do you have that picture in your mind yet? Good!
Now, imagine you’re on your way to work and notice a police officer giving someone a ticket on the shoulder of the road. You look again and discover that the person getting the ticket is THAT person from your job. What are you feeling inside right now? Do you smile and whisper to yourself, “Got ‘em!”?
Welcome to the wonderful world of envy.

What is envy?

“Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.” (Galatians 5:25-26)
Envy is resenting God’s goodness in others’ lives and ignoring God’s goodness in our own life. In today’s society, envy is encouraged. Look at commercials: Many of them have nothing to do with the actual product. The product they’re actually selling is envy. They’re subliminally saying, “Buy our product and you will be envied! You’ll be the envy of everybody else!”

Conspicuous Consumption

Economists and sociologists all agree that people will buy inferior products if the products are expensive and project to the world that you are wealthy and you can afford it. They call this conspicuous consumption. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a good or bad product. If it has a certain name on it, it implies we can show off our wealth, status, and power—and we will buy it simply to make other people envy us. We work hard to be envied.
So how do we tame envy? How do we live at peace in the middle of competition?

1. Stop comparing.

“Oh, don’t worry; we wouldn’t dare say that we are as wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are! But they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement. How ignorant!” (2 Corinthians 10:12)
In 2 Corinthians 10:12, Paul says that if I’m comparing myself to somebody else, it’s unproductive! There is always somebody better than me, so no matter what, I’ll get discouraged. At the same time, there is always somebody that I’m better than, and I’ll get full of pride. Either way, I lose.
I personally don’t compare myself to other people. Comparing is the root of envy. If you’re going to stop envy, you’ve got to break it by stopping the mindset of comparing.

2. Be content.

“We’re grateful for what we’ve already got, but we’re so busy worrying about what we don’t have; we don’t enjoy what we do have.” (Ecclesiastes 6:9)
It is better to be satisfied with what you have than to be always wanting something else. There is a myth behind envy that says I must have more to be happy. This is far from the truth. Happiness has nothing to do with achievements or acquisitions. It has to do with accepting your uniqueness while rejoicing in what you love to do.
We’re content when we know that God has provided all that we need for our happiness, not for tomorrow or next year, but for right now. When we can understand this, then we have true happiness.
So should you have ambition, goals and desires? Of course you should. You can admire something somebody else has and not envy it. You can even say, “I’d like to have that one day,” and not envy it. Envy is when you say, “I wish he didn’t have it, because I don’t.” You resent it because he’s got it and you don’t. That’s envy.
Where are you struggling with envy today?
© 2016, Clarence E. Stowers, Jr. All rights reserved. Originally published at www.clarencestowers.com.
Clarence Stowers is the pastor of Mars Hill Bible Church in Chicago, Illiniois. He has been in full-time ministry for 20 years.

5 Essentials for an Evangelical Future

By Ed Stetzer • September 25, 2016

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Ed Stetzer: “To thrive, I think there are at least five things we need to face the next 10 years.”

Recent Stories

• 5 Essentials for an Evangelical Future
  Ed Stetzer: “To thrive, I think there are at least five things we need to face the next 10 years.”
  
• How to Kill Envy and Embrace Contentment
  “Envy is resenting God’s goodness in others’ lives and ignoring God’s goodness in your own life.”
  
• You Might Be a Christian Consumerist If …
  “Major issues arise when we allow the values of consumerism to infect our pursuit of mission.”
  

Many people are saying it’s been a tough decade for evangelicals. The media says that Christianity is in great decline. The media, and some Christian authors, predict doom and gloom.
While the research isn’t as doom-and-gloom as people are saying, I do think we are in challenging times. The last 10 years have brought us to that reality. There have been a few distractions along the way.
The emerging church promised a “third way” to evangelicals, but it flamed out and now looks more like the avant-garde wing of mainline Protestantism.
Some tried to withdraw from culture, but culture just kept coming.
Some slowly replaced regular gospel proclamation with moralistic therapeutic deism—being good makes you a better person, and that makes “the man upstairs” happy.
Still others were so driven by pragmatism that they eventually began to look like a collection of programs and strategies, devoid of the message of Jesus.
So, what’s next? What needs to happen for the new few years?
I don’t know that this answers everything, but a few things keep coming to mind as I look to the future. To thrive, I think there are at least five things we need to face the next 10 years:

1. A Clear Understanding of the Gospel

Too many have assumed it, but we need to teach it. The gospel is not you do, it’s Jesus did. People don’t need to be taught to turn over a new leaf—they need to receive and live out a new life. That new life is from Jesus’ death on the cross for our sin and in our place. Don’t build a message that would still be true if Jesus had not died on the cross for our sin and in our place.

2. A Stronger Focus on Discipleship

God shapes congregations through the shaping of individual members’ lives. But this doesn’t just happen by accident or as a byproduct—God grows us as we are in a position to receive that growth. This can only happen through intentional awareness and leadership on the part of both leaders and church members. In our Transformational Discipleship project, the largest statistical study of its kind, we found that discipleship was both lacking and simple—we just needed to remind people to live out who God has made us in Christ.

3. A Greater Passion for Mission

We need to stand up against the clergification of the modern-day church—the tendency to look at those who are professional ministers and say that they are the only ones who are called to the mission, while the people in the pews are merely consumers of religious goods and services. We need to see all of God’s people engaged in God’s mission, from their respective neighborhoods all the way to the nations. We stand at a key moment, and part of the answer is to engage more of God’s people in mission.

4. Evangelism in the Age of the “Nones”

We are now increasingly facing what I have called a post-seeker context. This does not mean that seekers no longer exist. The Spirit is always at work in the hearts of people. But churches that once focused their energies and efforts toward targeting seekers are finding it more difficult to appeal to a constituency with little to no religious memory. Churches will have to find new ways to lead their people to reach out to their neighbors—not just attractional evangelism, but incarnational evangelism, as well—being, doing and telling good news where we live and work.

5. New Thinking in Developing Best Practices

God often uses tools for his ends. Think of bus ministry in the 70s or radio ministry in the 50s. That’s still true today. As believers, we can and must be good stewards of our ministry and utilize tools wisely—like multisite churches and viral church planting—and find new ways to serve those who are hurting and in need.
The sky isn’t falling for evangelicals, but we do have reason to look in the mirror. As the church continues to navigate an increasingly post-Christian culture, we have to ask ourselves if we are willing to face some tough truths and change some behaviors to reach the world with the message of the gospel. I’ve read the end of the book and I know what you know—Jesus wins.
I just want to be a part of what Jesus is doing until he returns.
Read more from Ed Stetzer »
Ed Stetzer holds the Billy Graham distinguished chair of church, mission and evangelism at Wheaton College and the Wheaton Grad School, where he also oversees the Billy Graham Center for Evangelism.

Why Most People Leave Religion? They Just ‘Stop Believing’

By Kimberly Winston

The study challenges the assumption that the unaffiliated are leaving religion because they are offended by religious institutions’ treatment of gay and lesbian people…

(RNS) It’s bad news for organized religion: A majority of the religiously unaffiliated—the so-called “nones”—say they fell away from faith not because of any negative experience, but because they “stopped believing,” usually before the age of 30.
Gloomier still for religion is this—nones now make up 25 percent of the American population, making them the single largest “faith group” in the U.S., ahead of Catholics (21 percent) and white evangelicals (16 percent).
And only a fraction—7 percent—say they are looking for a religion to belong to at all.

Those are among the more salient findings of a new study of the religiously unaffiliated conducted by the Public Religion Research Institute.

“More Young Adults are Unaffiliated than in the Past.” Graphic courtesy of PRRI

The study challenges the assumption that the unaffiliated are leaving religion because they are offended by religious institutions’ treatment of gay and lesbian people or clergy sex abuse scandals, said Daniel Cox, PRRI’s research director.
“Those things matter but they are dwarfed by this central idea that people no longer believe in religious teachings,” he said.
Even the study’s title is a downer for the devoted—“Exodus: Why Americans Are Leaving Religion—and Why They Are Unlikely to Come Back.” Here are some of the central findings of the survey of 2,201 adults that was conducted in late July and early August and has a margin of error of plus or minus 2.5 percentage points.
• Only 18 percent of nones say “religion is important in their lives,” and only 40 percent say they are “moderately spiritual.” The majority of the unaffiliated—53 percent—describe themselves as neither religious nor spiritual.
• Nones do not generally leave religion due to negative experiences. Sixty percent said they simply “stopped believing” in their childhood religion, while 32 percent cited their family’s lack of religious commitment. Less than a third—29 percent—said negative religious teachings about gays and lesbians was important to why they left their childhood religion, and only 19 percent cited the clergy sex-abuse crisis.
• A majority of nones still believe in God—22 percent say God is a “person,” while 37 percent see God as “an impersonal force.”
• One in five nones say a belief in God is “necessary” to morality.
But the study, released Thursday (Sept. 22), is full of interesting contradictions, too. While only one-fifth of all nones say morality is fostered by belief in God, one in three believes children should be raised in a religion to learn “good values.”

And while one third of all nones say they do not believe in God, only a fraction—13 percent—accept the label “atheist.”
“There is still stigma attached to the word ‘atheist,’” Cox said. “I think there is a disinclination to claim the label if they are nonbelievers who just don’t think about religion all that often.”

“Three Subgroups Within the Religiously Unaffiliated.” Graphic courtesy of PRRI

The study attempts to further define nones by dividing them into three subgroups—the “Rejectionists,” the “Apatheists” and the “Unattached Believers.”
The Rejectionists are the largest group, at 58 percent of all nones, and agree that religion is “not important” in their lives and “does more harm than good.” Apatheists—22 percent—say religion is not important to them, but isn’t harmful to society, while Unattached Believers—18 percent—say religion is personally important to them.

“Reasons for Leaving Religion.” Graphic courtesy of PRRI

None of these findings surprise Elizabeth Drescher, a Santa Clara University adjunct professor. In researching her book Choosing Our Religion: The Spiritual Lives of America’s Nones, Drescher found the religiously unaffiliated seldom mentioned negative experience with religion.
“The way religious education and formation is set up in mainline and Catholic churches parallels high school,” she said. “Once you graduate from it, you got it. You know, don’t be a jerk, do unto others, and nones just kind of get bored with it and move on.”
But what do they move on to? Katherine Ozment is the author of Grace Without God: The Search for Meaning, Purpose and Belonging in a Secular Age and a none who simply drifted away from her childhood Presbyterianism.
“It’s not that nones don’t believe in God, it’s that they don’t believe in religious teachings,” she said. “They have detached completely from religion and are finding meaning in their jobs, in raising kids, in their communities, in nature.”
But many, she said, still want a sense of community they once found in church. She believes that’s behind the fast and recent rise of so-called “atheist churches” like Sunday Assembly and Oasis, which now have branches across the U.S. and in several countries.
“I think there are a lot of nones who miss singing in the choir, who would love to go into a building and hear a moving speech, but the minute someone starts talking about the Bible they check out,” she said. “It no longer feels applicable to them. That’s a big challenge to the church.”
Ed Stetzer, the executive director of the Billy Graham Center for Evangelism at Wheaton College and an expert on evangelicals and leadership, agrees.
While evangelicals know how to appeal to nominal Christians—those who still identify as Christians but don’t practice—they do not have the same success relating to the nones, he said. “So I think ultimately there will have to be some retraining about what it means to reach secular people.”
Stetzer takes heart from the study’s finding that more than half of all nones say they believe in some concept of God.
“That’s where the entree is,” he said. “There is still an awareness that there is a God, and the Christian’s job is now to explain who that God is and what he has done for them.”
The PRRI poll, conducted in partnership with Religion News Service, was funded by the Henry Luce Foundation and the Stiefel Freethought Foundation.

Free Youth Lesson Package: “Jesus Wants All, Not Some”

Jesus didn’t want half-hearted fans; Jesus was after all-in faith.

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Ray Comfort: Why I Don’t Pray The Sinner’s Prayer With People

Ray Comfort is known for his expertise in evangelism, yet he does not believe in leading converts through “the sinner’s prayer.”
Comfort is no stranger to methods of evangelism. You might know him best from his role of co-host on the show “The Way of the Master,” but he is also the founder of Living Waters ministry and author of over 80 books.

The following short clip answers the question why he doesn’t believe in leading people through the sinner’s prayer. To illustrate this point, Comfort gives the analogy of a husband who has cheated on his wife and comes to ask forgiveness.

Why People Like Starbucks More Than Your Church

By Ryan Stigile

“There’s a big difference between getting 1,000 people in your church and spiritually leading 1,000 individuals.”

2. Train staff and volunteers on how to think, not what to do and say.

As a church team grows, managers try to standardize as much as possible. Staff and volunteers are taught specific steps to follow, phrases to say and responses to situations. I’ve even seen church “leaders” dictate an exact phrase for answering the phone! All of this is focused on creating a consistent experience.
Consistent experiences are the antithesis to personal experiences. If everyone is treated the same, no one is treated as an individual. Instead of training people on what to do and say (behaviors), train them on how to think (values). If you get everyone valuing the right priorities, they’ll create the best personal experience for each “one.”

3. Focus on mission-driven metrics not mass-driven metrics.

In times of growth, it’s easy to become enamored by large attendance numbers. Yet getting people to show up is hardly anyone’s mission. Stay focused on the numbers that evidence true life change. Baptisms, small groups, volunteering and giving are among the vital signs to keep in front of your team every week. They ensure that each “one” is truly being led spiritually.
Leading a crowd spiritually is certainly a challenge. After all, there are plenty of shortcuts to communicate with people more efficiently. But if you truly desire to connect with each person and lead them closer to Jesus, start looking for ways to do so “one” at a time.  
This article originally appeared here.

How to Connect With Anyone You Just Met With 5 Questions

By Paul Sohn

“I hope you’ll find the following helpful in building your relational intelligence.”

All my life, I’ve been asking myself, “Whom can I connect with?” I am naturally hard-wired to see the world as a web of relationships and I get excited by the prospect of connecting people within my web. Not because they will like each other, but rather because of what they will create together. The mantra I operate in is “1 + 1 makes 3. Or 30. Or 300.”
Entering a new career transition as an entrepreneur and leadership coach/consultant, I am constantly finding ways to build connections and find ways of how I can be for them and against them.
I came across five types of questions that have helped me to improve my emotional connectivity with people. I hope you’ll find the following helpful in building your relational intelligence.

1. Establish Common Ground

Are you able to quickly identify things that you have in common? Whether that is your blood type, month you were born, ethnic background, alma mater, organization you work for, hobbies, mutual friends, my number one objective is to start a conversation based something we share in common. This ignites our conversation and helps take it to the next level. Finding common ground is the lubricator of the relationship engine.
Simply start looking around. What do you notice in the other person about which you can ask questions to create resonance and commonality? Here’s some examples.
– “Those are nice looking glasses. Looks exactly like the design I’m looking for. Where can I purchase them?”
– “It really sucks to be wearing a tie when it’s sweltering, doesn’t it?”
– “Isn’t the iPhone 6 so convenient for situations like this?”

2. Ask Questions the Other Person Wants to Hear

This is second nature to master connectors. They are Jedi-masters when it comes to listening between the lines. They intuitively know what the other person wants to be asked.
Here’s a normal response from an average questioner:
– Person A: “How did you spend your long-weekend holiday?”
– Person B: “I visited Hawaii with my family on Friday and had a fantastic time there.”
Now, here’s a normal response from an exceptional questioner:
– Person A: “How did you spend your long-weekend holiday?”
– Person B: “I had a three day off-site visit with family. What about you?” 
Did you catch the difference? In the second scenario, Person B intuitively knew that Person A brought up the question because Person A wants to share his/her experience. That’s why Person B gave a general reply and quickly turned around with the same question to Person A. If you really think about it, a lot of the questions people ask are questions they want to be asked.
Here’s more examples:
– “Honey, did you hear? Our neighbor Jim went to Hawaii again.”
– “Were you involved in student clubs while you were in college?”
– “What are the best books you are reading?”
In the first question, the person isn’t confirming whether you know that Jim went to Hawaii. The question implies a desire, “I want to go to Hawaii too.” In the second question, the person isn’t really asking for which clubs you’re involved in in college, but rather this person wants to share about his/her student club experience during college. Same logic for the third question. The person is more interested in sharing his thoughts on the best books he is reading. Exceptional connectors intuitively know this because they are always others-focused.

3. When You Ask, Use “Half Open-Ended Questions”

Generally, there’s two type of questions. A closed-ended question and an open-ended question. Here’s an example of these two type of questions:
– Closed-ended Question: “Is working at your job hard?” (Either you respond with “yes” or “no”)
– Open-ended Question: “How is working at your job?” (The person can freely respond)
We ask these questions all the time. When we meet people for the first time and ask closed-ended questions, the conversation may abruptly halt and create awkward moments. When you use open-ended questions, the question is so big and abstract that the person responding may have difficulty sharing “how much” information.
Instead, employ the “half open-ended question” method. This is when you create more specificity into the open-ended question method. Here’s a few example:
– “What’s your favorite thing about working in your current job?”
– “What’s the hardest thing from taking this class?”
– “What makes this season the busiest time in life?”
A small thing like adding a bit more specificity can make all the difference.

4.Use Questions To Elicit Interesting Episodes

Master connectors learn from one of the most commonly used interview strategies today: behavioral interviews. Instead of asking “general questions” such as ”
– “What’s your strength?”
– “What’s your dream job?”
– “What’s the most important thing you have learned from your role as a customer service rep?”
A lot of times, these questions are often responded with quite abstract terms. Rather, behavioral interviews focused on specific, concrete examples of the past that demonstrate certain qualities. Here’s a few examples:
– “Can you tell me about an experience in your current role where your strength came to limelight?”
– “What’s your current role at work? Tell me a success story of one of your accomplishments this year.”
One caveat is ensuring that you focus on both tact and tone. These questions can often sound intimidating. So, it’s important to sound genuine and interested, not like an interrogator. When you use this method here’s a few examples of what it might sound like in a conversation:
– “Oh. I see. Interesting. So what specifically happened after that?”
– “So what happened to that guy after it happened?”

5. Leverage The Power Of Research

We live in a world where transparency is the currency of relationship and information is free on the internet. Whether it’s a blog, Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, this creates an opportunity for master connectors to do pre-work to ask the right questions when you meet the person for the first time.
Whether you are preparing for an interview, going out on a date, or preparing for a networking session, I always spend 30 minutes to an hour to really research the person. I immediately think about what do I share in common? Also, I might follow the person beforehand and read their tweets to see what kind of information this person is interested in.

My Favorite Books On Building Social Intelligence:

– Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship (by Keith Ferrazzi)
– Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success (by Adam Grant) 
– Social Intelligence: The New Science of Success (by Karl Albrecht) 

Question: Which Areas Do You Plan To Focus On To Upgrade Your Connection Skills?