5 Illusions That Will Lead You Straight Into an Affair
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Heed these dire warnings before falling off the cliff of a sexual sin.
NOTE: This article is an excerpt from The Solomon Seduction: What You Can Learn From the Wisest Fool in the Bible by Pastor Mark Atteberry.
King Solomon is known for many things, but let’s not kid ourselves; it’s the women that blow our minds.
The man had a mindboggling 700 wives and 300 concubines. I’m pretty sure that no one who reads this article is ever going to have a thousand wives and mistresses, but many will be tangled up in an illicit romantic relationship, or at least heading in that direction.
Consider these five illusions and take them as a dire warning. They are at the heart of every church leader’s descent into sexual sin.
Flirting.
Married people do it all the time, sometimes with body language, sometimes with seemingly casual, yet not-so-innocent touches, sometimes with suggestive comments and sometimes with just a look.
Challenge a flirtatious person and you’ll likely be laughed out of the room. And yet, every illicit sexual affair in the history of the world started with flirting.
I can’t think of anything a person can do that has more danger wrapped up in it than flirting with someone who is “off limits.”
The other woman, of course.
If the other woman was really perfect, she wouldn’t be having an affair with a married man.
Plus the fact that she, too, has bills and laundry and bad breath and frumpy clothes and a temper and a lot of other things she’s being careful to hide from you.
Your fantasies.
The biggest part of an illicit relationship is played out between your ears. This is especially true in the flirting stage. Before the sneaking around and the sex begin, your mind is a tornado of possibilities. A suggestive comment is made, and suddenly your heart kicks up about 10 beats per minute as you ponder all sorts of delicious scenarios.
I’ve heard men in the middle of this experience say, “I’ve never felt more alive!”
The truth is, they’ve never been more dead.
Proverbs 21:16 says it best: “The person who strays from common sense will end up in the company of the dead.”
You’ll be dead to the truth about the relationship.
A laundry list of rationalizations.
I can’t count the times I’ve sat and listened to men try to explain why their actions should be viewed differently than your run-of-the-mill cheater.
People who know they’re wrong are typically desperate to make things appear different than they really are, and if you don’t have truth on your side, it makes sense to go for emotion.
Quitting.
A man who is being drawn into a questionable relationship tells himself that everything is OK because he can quit anytime he wants. “If I see that things are getting out of control, I’ll just pull the plug,” he tells himself.
But when lines are crossed and forbidden territory is entered, he finds quitting to be quite complicated.
In 1 Corinthians 6:18, Paul said, “Run from sexual sin!” Amazingly, the answer to one of the most life-destroying sins known to man is so simple it can be stated in four little words, the longest of which has only six letters.
We’re not talking brain surgery here.
Run. From. Sexual. Sin.
Don’t think about it, study it, debate it, analyze it, research it, seek counsel about it or even pray about it. Just run from it!
Because what you think you’re seeing is an illusion.
King Solomon is known for many things, but let’s not kid ourselves; it’s the women that blow our minds.
The man had a mindboggling 700 wives and 300 concubines. I’m pretty sure that no one who reads this article is ever going to have a thousand wives and mistresses, but many will be tangled up in an illicit romantic relationship, or at least heading in that direction.
Consider these five illusions and take them as a dire warning. They are at the heart of every church leader’s descent into sexual sin.
Illusion #1: That which seems harmless is actually dangerous.
What seems harmless?Flirting.
Married people do it all the time, sometimes with body language, sometimes with seemingly casual, yet not-so-innocent touches, sometimes with suggestive comments and sometimes with just a look.
Challenge a flirtatious person and you’ll likely be laughed out of the room. And yet, every illicit sexual affair in the history of the world started with flirting.
I can’t think of anything a person can do that has more danger wrapped up in it than flirting with someone who is “off limits.”
Illusion #2: That which seems perfect is deeply flawed.
What seems perfect?The other woman, of course.
Your wife rolls her eyes at your jokes, while the other woman practically falls down laughing.
Your wife obsesses over the kids and the bills and the laundry, while the other woman is only interested in you.
Your wife wears frumpy clothes, while the other woman is always dressed to the nines and smells like a field of lilacs.
But it’s all an illusion.If the other woman was really perfect, she wouldn’t be having an affair with a married man.
Plus the fact that she, too, has bills and laundry and bad breath and frumpy clothes and a temper and a lot of other things she’s being careful to hide from you.
Illusion #3: That which excites you actually deadens you.
What excites you?Your fantasies.
The biggest part of an illicit relationship is played out between your ears. This is especially true in the flirting stage. Before the sneaking around and the sex begin, your mind is a tornado of possibilities. A suggestive comment is made, and suddenly your heart kicks up about 10 beats per minute as you ponder all sorts of delicious scenarios.
I’ve heard men in the middle of this experience say, “I’ve never felt more alive!”
The truth is, they’ve never been more dead.
Proverbs 21:16 says it best: “The person who strays from common sense will end up in the company of the dead.”
You’ll be dead to the truth about the relationship.
Dead to the reality of your spiritual condition.
Dead to the trouble you’re making for yourself.
Dead to the damage you’re doing to your loved ones.
Dead to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.
Not surprisingly, I hear a lot of repentant adulterers talk about
their past affairs in terms that sound as though they could be talking
about death:
“I went brain dead.”
“I lost touch with reality.”
“I was really out of it.”
Illusion #4: That which seems to justify your actions actually condemns you.
What seems to justify your actions?A laundry list of rationalizations.
I can’t count the times I’ve sat and listened to men try to explain why their actions should be viewed differently than your run-of-the-mill cheater.
“My wife doesn’t understand me.”
“I tried for years to be a good husband.”
“My wife just isn’t the same person I married.”
I am always amazed at the passion with which people say these ridiculous things. I guess it shouldn’t be surprising.People who know they’re wrong are typically desperate to make things appear different than they really are, and if you don’t have truth on your side, it makes sense to go for emotion.
Illusion #5: That which seems easy is hard.
What seems easy?Quitting.
A man who is being drawn into a questionable relationship tells himself that everything is OK because he can quit anytime he wants. “If I see that things are getting out of control, I’ll just pull the plug,” he tells himself.
But when lines are crossed and forbidden territory is entered, he finds quitting to be quite complicated.
In 1 Corinthians 6:18, Paul said, “Run from sexual sin!” Amazingly, the answer to one of the most life-destroying sins known to man is so simple it can be stated in four little words, the longest of which has only six letters.
We’re not talking brain surgery here.
Run. From. Sexual. Sin.
Don’t think about it, study it, debate it, analyze it, research it, seek counsel about it or even pray about it. Just run from it!
Because what you think you’re seeing is an illusion.
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